-Prelude-
Many years ago, before the internet and things like popcorn, or Netflix existed, when barbarians ruled the earth in search of twizzlers and blockbusters, a dynasty which is totally real and not made up, was ending.
The PyuPyu dynasty was, for very long, a strong dynasty. Though many had tried to conquer it, none prevailed. PyuPyu was once in between the QyuQyu and the Hax empires. There ruthless emperors were no match to the power of the trolls that the PyuPyu called upon. PyuPyu had grown much in size since these wars. They had enslaved the country of Fictionopia. Every day they stole thousands of men, women, children, and kittens to do slave labor.
The neighboring countries of Chenopia, Kookoostan, and others around took note of these crimes. They would not stand for such human right violations, because they didn’t think of it first. They waged a war, many who claimed was the stupidest thing since Kayne West was born. Outnumbered and completely surrounded, the first wave was crushed like Indian Jones’s head between Chuck Norris’s thighs. We will never know what happened next, as the truth is covered spoiler tags. However, only one army arose victorious. Who, when, and where are all mysteries.
The PyuPyu dynasty was, for very long, a strong dynasty. Though many had tried to conquer it, none prevailed. PyuPyu was once in between the QyuQyu and the Hax empires. There ruthless emperors were no match to the power of the trolls that the PyuPyu called upon. PyuPyu had grown much in size since these wars. They had enslaved the country of Fictionopia. Every day they stole thousands of men, women, children, and kittens to do slave labor.
The neighboring countries of Chenopia, Kookoostan, and others around took note of these crimes. They would not stand for such human right violations, because they didn’t think of it first. They waged a war, many who claimed was the stupidest thing since Kayne West was born. Outnumbered and completely surrounded, the first wave was crushed like Indian Jones’s head between Chuck Norris’s thighs. We will never know what happened next, as the truth is covered spoiler tags. However, only one army arose victorious. Who, when, and where are all mysteries.
-Part 1-
Today, the world is in peril, the kind of peril that would make a certain Dr. Freeman come and save the day. But unfortunately, G-Man’s voice actor took a vacation, delaying his release for another few days. In valve time, that is. Mass production has lead for the need of more intelligent robots. A robot known as HAL was in charge of production. These robots were produced for one purpose, to perform slave labor. Oh, and make great pancakes. They had two purposes. Many years of production had lead to an influx of these robots. It was nearly impossible in and urban area not to see one. Unless you were blind. Then it was totally possible. Then a great war had started, between Humans and Demons. Many were injured or killed. Those few who survived became the first Androids, all with experimental function.
One robot in particular made a difference in that war. That man, Code Name Crocket, became the first fully functional android of many. At least 100,000 were made after his model, but none had one function that he had. A function that gave him his nickname, the Exploding Android. He could juggle. Oh, and explode without and damage to himself. Yeah, whatever. He could juggle, man! Juggle!
One day, it came time for his redeployment. That war you read about before, yeah, still kickin’. He was airdropped right in the middle of battle. He ran like a Mexican from the immigration department. Then he ran into the middle of a field of demons. He screamed at the top of his lungs “For Allah!” and blew up. What he saw he almost couldn’t believe.
One robot in particular made a difference in that war. That man, Code Name Crocket, became the first fully functional android of many. At least 100,000 were made after his model, but none had one function that he had. A function that gave him his nickname, the Exploding Android. He could juggle. Oh, and explode without and damage to himself. Yeah, whatever. He could juggle, man! Juggle!
One day, it came time for his redeployment. That war you read about before, yeah, still kickin’. He was airdropped right in the middle of battle. He ran like a Mexican from the immigration department. Then he ran into the middle of a field of demons. He screamed at the top of his lungs “For Allah!” and blew up. What he saw he almost couldn’t believe.
He had destroyed more than just the demons. The entire Battlefield: Bad company 2 video game was flattened to a reasonable price on steam as well. Also, he had leveled the entire Battle field. There were no survivors. He didn’t know what to do. He thought if he returned back, the humans would have him executed. He ran to the only place he could. The demons.
He wasn’t sure what horrors awaited him in the cave the demons were hiding in. Perhaps a Miley Cyrus concert. Or worse. He dared not think of what lied ahead, or what he left behind. For him, he just needed to keep moving forward. Then he hit the cave wall. So he decided it would also be in his best interest to turn when necessary. He had made it to the demon hideout.
“Halt, who goes there?” screamed a guard in a voice which could be described as shrill and Surnemesque (Much love man)
“They call me Crocket, the Explosive Android. I seek food, shelter, and care. And I don’t want no fucking essentials kit the airport gave me.” he responded.
“Why should we let you in, you’re with the humans.” the guard said, very imposingly.
“Because I’m an explosion waiting to go off, you’d better take me in, or I’ll blow all you to pieces.” Crocket said with an accent.
“That’s not the funny, considering this is supposed to be a comedy. You couldn’t have come up with something a little funnier?” said the guard, doing serious damage to the 4th wall. “I suppose I have no choice. You may come in.”
What awaited him inside would change the rest of his life.
He wasn’t sure what horrors awaited him in the cave the demons were hiding in. Perhaps a Miley Cyrus concert. Or worse. He dared not think of what lied ahead, or what he left behind. For him, he just needed to keep moving forward. Then he hit the cave wall. So he decided it would also be in his best interest to turn when necessary. He had made it to the demon hideout.
“Halt, who goes there?” screamed a guard in a voice which could be described as shrill and Surnemesque (Much love man)
“They call me Crocket, the Explosive Android. I seek food, shelter, and care. And I don’t want no fucking essentials kit the airport gave me.” he responded.
“Why should we let you in, you’re with the humans.” the guard said, very imposingly.
“Because I’m an explosion waiting to go off, you’d better take me in, or I’ll blow all you to pieces.” Crocket said with an accent.
“That’s not the funny, considering this is supposed to be a comedy. You couldn’t have come up with something a little funnier?” said the guard, doing serious damage to the 4th wall. “I suppose I have no choice. You may come in.”
What awaited him inside would change the rest of his life.
No monsters he had seen in the battle field were there, mainly because he had blown them to bits before he got a good look. What he saw was what looked like women, all with slight differences in physical appearances. Some had bunny ears, some had cats, it was like that furry convention he totally never went to. They were all upset. Crocket thought he knew why. He was correct. He had basically killed every person there’s lover. Way to go, douche bag.
He stood idly and one by one noticed Crocket standing there. They caused quite a bit of ruckus with the discovery of him. They began to question him from every direction. He liked it like that. Wait, what? Nevermind. He stood there, and just took it all in. To be honest he was a little high, he hung out with Viano before he was dropped into the mission.
He couldn’t enunciate his proclamations, speechless a virtue he held steadfast (AIM Speak translate: H3 DIDN’T NO WUT 2 SAY). He stood there, ominous, attempting frugally to forge an apology that didn’t appear nugatory. (H3 WAS THEIR AND TREID 2 SAY SORY). He began to articulate when a woman’s apparition re-silenced him. (H3 DIDNT TOK B/C OF A PR3TY LADY). She approached him, and uttered “You do not belong amongst us. What are you doing here?” (SH3 SADE Y R U HER3?)
He didn’t know what to say. He was still speechless. She asked again. “What are you doing here?”
‘I have nowhere else to go.’ was what he intended to say. Instead, all he could get out was “Help.” which is odd, because help wasn’t in the original sentence. He passed out, and fell forward onto the women.
He stood idly and one by one noticed Crocket standing there. They caused quite a bit of ruckus with the discovery of him. They began to question him from every direction. He liked it like that. Wait, what? Nevermind. He stood there, and just took it all in. To be honest he was a little high, he hung out with Viano before he was dropped into the mission.
He couldn’t enunciate his proclamations, speechless a virtue he held steadfast (AIM Speak translate: H3 DIDN’T NO WUT 2 SAY). He stood there, ominous, attempting frugally to forge an apology that didn’t appear nugatory. (H3 WAS THEIR AND TREID 2 SAY SORY). He began to articulate when a woman’s apparition re-silenced him. (H3 DIDNT TOK B/C OF A PR3TY LADY). She approached him, and uttered “You do not belong amongst us. What are you doing here?” (SH3 SADE Y R U HER3?)
He didn’t know what to say. He was still speechless. She asked again. “What are you doing here?”
‘I have nowhere else to go.’ was what he intended to say. Instead, all he could get out was “Help.” which is odd, because help wasn’t in the original sentence. He passed out, and fell forward onto the women.
When Crocket woke up, everything was a haze, not from the extra drugs Viano gave him, but because he couldn’t remember where he was or why he was there. He felt his head, because it was sore. There was a bump. When he fell onto the mystery woman, she was wearing rare unobtainium armor. He was lucky to escape with just a bump, and not some form of cancer (Unobtainium is highly radioactive, like the SuperAIDS of radiation). This was all reviled to him like it was to you. Through convenient narration to cover up plot holes.
Now understanding the situation, he remembers what happened, get up startled. “Looks like you’re up” said the mystery woman.
“Yeah, but exactly where am I?” questioned Crocket, being extremely rude. Seriously, the protagonist is a douche bag.
“You’re in my house, not far from the commotion you cause.” said Mystery Woman, proving even more the douche baggery level of Crocket.
“Yeah, sorry… Do you ever have the felling someone somewhere is talking poorly of you?” He responded.
Douche.
“Hmmm, can’t say I really know what you mean. But that is unimportant. I am curious as to why you have come here so desperately.” said Mysterion. I mean Mystery Woman.
“Well, certain things came up and I had to run away.” said the Douche.
“You’re different from other humans I’ve seen.” She was commenting on the tear on his jacket which revealed a robotic arm. That appears to be the only damage he suffered from the explosion, the loss of a $70 jacket.
“I’m an android, part human, part robot.” He explained. Maybe that’s why he’s such a douche bag.
“I see. An android. Where have I heard that before?” She asked. Then a convenient plot devise fell from the ceiling onto Crocket’s head. He seems to have bad luck today.
Now understanding the situation, he remembers what happened, get up startled. “Looks like you’re up” said the mystery woman.
“Yeah, but exactly where am I?” questioned Crocket, being extremely rude. Seriously, the protagonist is a douche bag.
“You’re in my house, not far from the commotion you cause.” said Mystery Woman, proving even more the douche baggery level of Crocket.
“Yeah, sorry… Do you ever have the felling someone somewhere is talking poorly of you?” He responded.
Douche.
“Hmmm, can’t say I really know what you mean. But that is unimportant. I am curious as to why you have come here so desperately.” said Mysterion. I mean Mystery Woman.
“Well, certain things came up and I had to run away.” said the Douche.
“You’re different from other humans I’ve seen.” She was commenting on the tear on his jacket which revealed a robotic arm. That appears to be the only damage he suffered from the explosion, the loss of a $70 jacket.
“I’m an android, part human, part robot.” He explained. Maybe that’s why he’s such a douche bag.
“I see. An android. Where have I heard that before?” She asked. Then a convenient plot devise fell from the ceiling onto Crocket’s head. He seems to have bad luck today.
When Crocket woke up, he was in a different place. This time, it looked more like a cell. The Mystery Lady and Mystery Lady 2 were fighting. Mystery Lady 2 was the first voice he heard. “Listen to me, Ran, I don’t care what the stone says, this guy destroyed our entire armory. We’re defenseless now because of him. This guy is a total Douche Bag.”
I’m not the only one who thinks so.
“Listen, Yukari, you may have seen the battle from you netherworld, but you can’t prove that this android was the one who did it. Why would he run here if he had just destroyed our army, but not have destroyed us already?” Said Ran.
“Maybe he’s just waiting. Anyway, I: don’t have time for this. By the time I’m back, I want him gone, do you understand?” commanded Yukari.
“Yes master.” Yukari disappeared into a warp between dimensions. Ran sat down, banging her fist to the table. If she put out her two fingers, I’d start playing Metallica.
“So your name is Ran?” said Crocket, trying to sound as pompous as possible.
“Who told you that?” She asked with concern.
“You did right now.” He responded, calmly, almost to make a fool of her.
“Oh. And what of it?” Ran asked
“Nothing. It’s a name I’ve never heard of before. Is it unique?” Crocket asked.
“No, it’s not original. Similarities between any character in this series and any character
from any Touhou game are purely coincidental, and not at all the result of an inside joke.”
She spoke, monotonously.
“What?” questioned Crocket?
“Nothing, just something that popped into my head.” responded Ran.
-Part 6-
“Hey narrator, don’t divide this part into two sections!” screamed Ran.
But it’s getting really long.
“I don’t care, we’re not done.”
-Part 6 later, Part 5 continues-
“So why were you so mad?” questioned Crocket.
“My master, Yukari, see wants to execute you.” Ran responded.
“Huh? Why?” demanded Crocket.
“She thinks you’re the android who bombed the battle field wiping out our entire army. In retrospect, it wasn’t a good idea to put all of our troops on one battle field.” Explained Ran.
“Oh. That’s all…” mutter Crocket, very nervously, like he wanted to reveal the fact he did it. The retard.
“Well, I’m gonna lock up. I’ll be back here tomorrow with your execution date.” said Ran.
“Okay… wait!” But it was too late. Will our hero escape this next set of challenges?
Probably, considering I need to cover a lot more stuff happening.
I’m not the only one who thinks so.
“Listen, Yukari, you may have seen the battle from you netherworld, but you can’t prove that this android was the one who did it. Why would he run here if he had just destroyed our army, but not have destroyed us already?” Said Ran.
“Maybe he’s just waiting. Anyway, I: don’t have time for this. By the time I’m back, I want him gone, do you understand?” commanded Yukari.
“Yes master.” Yukari disappeared into a warp between dimensions. Ran sat down, banging her fist to the table. If she put out her two fingers, I’d start playing Metallica.
“So your name is Ran?” said Crocket, trying to sound as pompous as possible.
“Who told you that?” She asked with concern.
“You did right now.” He responded, calmly, almost to make a fool of her.
“Oh. And what of it?” Ran asked
“Nothing. It’s a name I’ve never heard of before. Is it unique?” Crocket asked.
“No, it’s not original. Similarities between any character in this series and any character
from any Touhou game are purely coincidental, and not at all the result of an inside joke.”
She spoke, monotonously.
“What?” questioned Crocket?
“Nothing, just something that popped into my head.” responded Ran.
-Part 6-
“Hey narrator, don’t divide this part into two sections!” screamed Ran.
But it’s getting really long.
“I don’t care, we’re not done.”
-Part 6 later, Part 5 continues-
“So why were you so mad?” questioned Crocket.
“My master, Yukari, see wants to execute you.” Ran responded.
“Huh? Why?” demanded Crocket.
“She thinks you’re the android who bombed the battle field wiping out our entire army. In retrospect, it wasn’t a good idea to put all of our troops on one battle field.” Explained Ran.
“Oh. That’s all…” mutter Crocket, very nervously, like he wanted to reveal the fact he did it. The retard.
“Well, I’m gonna lock up. I’ll be back here tomorrow with your execution date.” said Ran.
“Okay… wait!” But it was too late. Will our hero escape this next set of challenges?
Probably, considering I need to cover a lot more stuff happening.
Crocket woke up the next morning more nervous than the one time he woke up in a Gay Bar. It was the second time his life was threatened, the first of course being the incident that caused him to become an android. He woke up in total darkness. He had realized until now that there were no windows in his cell. He sat still in the center of the cell in fetal position, sucking on his thumb, and crying like a baby. I thought we would be fighting MEN. Suddenly the door cracked open enough to allow light in. He approached the wall of his cell, crawling on all 4s because he forgot he was a human I guess. There entered a third mystery lady. She had bunny ears and cat ears. Weirdo.
“My name is Chelsea, and I will be guiding you though our execution ceremony.”
“There’s a ceremony?” asked Crocket.
“Believe it or not, yes. A very long one, an ancient ritual we demons have used for a long time. 2 weeks and counting.” she responded.
“How long is the ceremony?” Crocket questioned.
“As long as it takes you to die.” said Chelsea.
“What? It’s like a survival ceremony?” Crocket asked. He’s full of questions.
“Yes, you are put in a pit, and you must fight the deadliest creature we can conjure up. If you lose, but do not die, you will be personally executed by the highest ranking member in the camp, who at the moment is Action Viking Ran. If you win, you’ll be released… into a cage full of hungry lions!” Chelsea explained.
“Okay then… When will I be fighting?” Crocket questioned.
“3 days, I trust you will be ready. You may make use of our training room if you wish.” said Chelsea.
“I will, thank you.” said Crocket.
Crocket got up, and offered to shake her hand. She sniffed it, bit it, and then ran out the door. I’ll say it again, weirdo.
“My name is Chelsea, and I will be guiding you though our execution ceremony.”
“There’s a ceremony?” asked Crocket.
“Believe it or not, yes. A very long one, an ancient ritual we demons have used for a long time. 2 weeks and counting.” she responded.
“How long is the ceremony?” Crocket questioned.
“As long as it takes you to die.” said Chelsea.
“What? It’s like a survival ceremony?” Crocket asked. He’s full of questions.
“Yes, you are put in a pit, and you must fight the deadliest creature we can conjure up. If you lose, but do not die, you will be personally executed by the highest ranking member in the camp, who at the moment is Action Viking Ran. If you win, you’ll be released… into a cage full of hungry lions!” Chelsea explained.
“Okay then… When will I be fighting?” Crocket questioned.
“3 days, I trust you will be ready. You may make use of our training room if you wish.” said Chelsea.
“I will, thank you.” said Crocket.
Crocket got up, and offered to shake her hand. She sniffed it, bit it, and then ran out the door. I’ll say it again, weirdo.
Crocket made his way to the weight room. The weights there were varied. They ranged from 1-15 lbs and 1000-15000 lbs. Crocket went up to the guard stationed at the gate. He asked, “Do you have any weights between 15 pounds and 1000 pounds?” The guards didn’t respond. He was the only survivor of the battle field incident. The accused man who killed all of his friends stood within grasp. It was hard enough to not strangle him. Let alone explain the weights he were looking for were right behind the other ones.
“The weights you’re looking for are behind them.” explained a voice. Crocket recognized it immediately. It was obviously Ran. Crocket turned around, if only to get a glimpse of her, but she was already walking away.
“Thank you.” yelled Crocket. He’s not quite sure if his voice reached her, but the rest of the camp is.
Crocket started on cardio, the lifted weights, yada, yada, ect., ect. If anyone really cared I’d go into more detail, but I’d rather not bore myself to death.
He was exhausted. He could hard muster up the energy to get back to his cell. Not that he even wanted to, the bed was so stiff, the floor would have been a better alternative. The next day, it was even tough just to stand. He still needs to get stronger though, otherwise certain plot pieces in this part won’t fall into place.
When he left his cell, he noticed a note left on the table outside his desk. It read “Your Welcome. –High Commander Action Viking Yakumo Ran” He commented “Noob, it’s ‘You’re Welcome.’ Whatever.” He moved on to the gym. Today he wasn’t alone. Ran was running on the treadmill. He got one to the one next to hers. She was running at 7 mph. He stepped it up, and started running at 8. Ran took notice, and in the sake of a friendly competition, began running. It looked like she was straining herself, despite her name ‘Ran.’ Oh god, that was awful. Sorry, no more bad puns, I’m only 30% British, it won’t happen again.
Back to the matter at hand. Crocket took notice to her step up in speed. He increased his speed. Now in an all out sprint he was going 9 mph. Ran noticed his huffing and puffing, and made sure no pigs were around so no houses were blown down. I know, I know, I’m sorry! When seeing that no houses were around, she increased the speed to 9.5 mph. Crocket saw this, and mustered enough air to make a comment. “Now she’s making moves!” Slightly embarrassed and chuckling heavily, Ran lost her balance. She fell backward, tugging the emergency wire. As she fell, her arm was grabbed by Crocket as she fell, and she was able to regain stability by grabbing onto the front of the machine. Crocket, however, was not so lucky, her sudden movement forward had caused him to lose his own balance. He hit the treadmill hard, the track didn’t have enough time to stop, and his was sent flying backwards into the weights. Since this narration is over the shoulder of Crocket, when he passes out, I no longer fell like writing.
“The weights you’re looking for are behind them.” explained a voice. Crocket recognized it immediately. It was obviously Ran. Crocket turned around, if only to get a glimpse of her, but she was already walking away.
“Thank you.” yelled Crocket. He’s not quite sure if his voice reached her, but the rest of the camp is.
Crocket started on cardio, the lifted weights, yada, yada, ect., ect. If anyone really cared I’d go into more detail, but I’d rather not bore myself to death.
He was exhausted. He could hard muster up the energy to get back to his cell. Not that he even wanted to, the bed was so stiff, the floor would have been a better alternative. The next day, it was even tough just to stand. He still needs to get stronger though, otherwise certain plot pieces in this part won’t fall into place.
When he left his cell, he noticed a note left on the table outside his desk. It read “Your Welcome. –High Commander Action Viking Yakumo Ran” He commented “Noob, it’s ‘You’re Welcome.’ Whatever.” He moved on to the gym. Today he wasn’t alone. Ran was running on the treadmill. He got one to the one next to hers. She was running at 7 mph. He stepped it up, and started running at 8. Ran took notice, and in the sake of a friendly competition, began running. It looked like she was straining herself, despite her name ‘Ran.’ Oh god, that was awful. Sorry, no more bad puns, I’m only 30% British, it won’t happen again.
Back to the matter at hand. Crocket took notice to her step up in speed. He increased his speed. Now in an all out sprint he was going 9 mph. Ran noticed his huffing and puffing, and made sure no pigs were around so no houses were blown down. I know, I know, I’m sorry! When seeing that no houses were around, she increased the speed to 9.5 mph. Crocket saw this, and mustered enough air to make a comment. “Now she’s making moves!” Slightly embarrassed and chuckling heavily, Ran lost her balance. She fell backward, tugging the emergency wire. As she fell, her arm was grabbed by Crocket as she fell, and she was able to regain stability by grabbing onto the front of the machine. Crocket, however, was not so lucky, her sudden movement forward had caused him to lose his own balance. He hit the treadmill hard, the track didn’t have enough time to stop, and his was sent flying backwards into the weights. Since this narration is over the shoulder of Crocket, when he passes out, I no longer fell like writing.
Crocket woke up in an infirmary. He had bandages around his head and a cast on his non-robotic arm. He could hear a conversation from beyond the white curtains. Or are they blue curtains. I’ll go watch an episode of Scrubs…. Right blue. From beyond the blue curtains. He was still dizzy, the only words he could make out were “Execution,” “Saved,” and “Iced Mochacino Half’n’half Late, no Foam.” Though that last one isn’t a word, it’s an ungodly good coffee at Starbucks ©. Crocket was in agonizing pain, or he would be if he wasn’t high as a kite on painkillers. For all we know, ‘Execution’ could have been ‘Bunny Rabbits.’
The doctor here was the only non-demon besides Crocket. A Dr. Zetsubou; remember, in Japanese, doctor and teacher are the same word, was the only doctor in the entire cave. Forgot that we were in a cave? Yeah, so did I. He opened the curtain, shining a bright light into Crocket’s eyes. The doctor asked “How are you felling?” Crocket attempted to respond, but found that no matter how much struggle he put into it he couldn’t talk. “Ah, you’re still numb from the surgery. I’ve never seen anything like you before. How long have they been making people like you?” Crocket fruitlessly tried to talk again, then when he realized how stupid he was being, raised 3 fingers. “Three years?” He shook his head, and pointed down, as to signal ‘lower’. “Three months?” Again he shook his head and point down. “Three weeks?” He gave the ‘thumbs up.’ The doctor understood. “Wow, three weeks, you must be one of the first. Well, I’ll come back to check on you in an hour. Try and get some rest.”
He thought how he would have boasted that he was the first, but then he realized that he wasn’t really proud of that anymore. Not after the amount of damage he caused. For the first time, it had really hit him on what he had done. And how angry the demons must really be. The execution didn’t seem some outrageous now. Of course at the same time of thinking this, he was also concerned with the gnomes biting hit toes. He decided now wasn’t the best time to think about it. He decided to take the doctor’s advice and get some rest.
The doctor here was the only non-demon besides Crocket. A Dr. Zetsubou; remember, in Japanese, doctor and teacher are the same word, was the only doctor in the entire cave. Forgot that we were in a cave? Yeah, so did I. He opened the curtain, shining a bright light into Crocket’s eyes. The doctor asked “How are you felling?” Crocket attempted to respond, but found that no matter how much struggle he put into it he couldn’t talk. “Ah, you’re still numb from the surgery. I’ve never seen anything like you before. How long have they been making people like you?” Crocket fruitlessly tried to talk again, then when he realized how stupid he was being, raised 3 fingers. “Three years?” He shook his head, and pointed down, as to signal ‘lower’. “Three months?” Again he shook his head and point down. “Three weeks?” He gave the ‘thumbs up.’ The doctor understood. “Wow, three weeks, you must be one of the first. Well, I’ll come back to check on you in an hour. Try and get some rest.”
He thought how he would have boasted that he was the first, but then he realized that he wasn’t really proud of that anymore. Not after the amount of damage he caused. For the first time, it had really hit him on what he had done. And how angry the demons must really be. The execution didn’t seem some outrageous now. Of course at the same time of thinking this, he was also concerned with the gnomes biting hit toes. He decided now wasn’t the best time to think about it. He decided to take the doctor’s advice and get some rest.
The following is rated PG-13 and stars Rob Schneider
When Crocket woke up this time, he felt much better. He had come down from his meditational high, and was no longer numb. With the exception of his non-robotic arm and left side of his head. It was then when he realized. He really wanted fish tacos. But then he realized something even more drastic. His arm and head had been rebuilt like his robotic arm. The shock of this discovery made quite a bit of ruckus, and the doctor immediately rushed in. “Are you okay?” asked the doctor.
Finding himself able to speak again, Crocket demanded an explanation. “What the fuck is this? Why the hell is my arm and head robotic?”
“You skull was damaged to severely to be operated on. And your arm was broken beyond repair. Normally we would have but you down, but an order straight from the top told us to keep you alive. We did what we could, and after studying your other arm, I believe I was able to replicate it perfectly” said the doctor.
“I look like a fucking cyborg, man! Who told you to do this to me?” asked Crocket. It’s clear that someone here is pissed off.
“The lady you saved, you know who she is, right?” asked the doctor.
“She the leader around her or something.” said Crocket.
“Yes. She told me to keep you alive at all cost. She said you were extremely important to us. Personally, I don’t get what she sees in you. From what I’ve seen, you’re a violent douche bag.” said the doctor, and then left before Crocket could apologize. Crocket was angry and confused. He need more time to think, more so then last time. He was about to try to get some rest when he remembered that he was hungry. He rang for a nurse.
Who showed up surprised him more than the convenience of this plot point did me. It was Ran, fully dressed in a nurse’s outfit. Crocket lied there, not making a hint of sound, admiring the sight. “Do you need something, Crocket? Or are you just gonna stare at my bust for a while?” Slap, back to reality.
“Uh, yeah, sorry. I’m kind of hungry. What is there to eat around here?” asked Crocket.
“I can pretty much make anything, I guess. What would you like?” responded Ran
“I’m in the mood for some fish tacos with some soy sauce if that’s at all possible.” said Crocket.
“Alright, I’ll have it made as soon as I can.” said Ran. “And don’t stare at my ass when I leave.” she added.
He did.
When Crocket woke up this time, he felt much better. He had come down from his meditational high, and was no longer numb. With the exception of his non-robotic arm and left side of his head. It was then when he realized. He really wanted fish tacos. But then he realized something even more drastic. His arm and head had been rebuilt like his robotic arm. The shock of this discovery made quite a bit of ruckus, and the doctor immediately rushed in. “Are you okay?” asked the doctor.
Finding himself able to speak again, Crocket demanded an explanation. “What the fuck is this? Why the hell is my arm and head robotic?”
“You skull was damaged to severely to be operated on. And your arm was broken beyond repair. Normally we would have but you down, but an order straight from the top told us to keep you alive. We did what we could, and after studying your other arm, I believe I was able to replicate it perfectly” said the doctor.
“I look like a fucking cyborg, man! Who told you to do this to me?” asked Crocket. It’s clear that someone here is pissed off.
“The lady you saved, you know who she is, right?” asked the doctor.
“She the leader around her or something.” said Crocket.
“Yes. She told me to keep you alive at all cost. She said you were extremely important to us. Personally, I don’t get what she sees in you. From what I’ve seen, you’re a violent douche bag.” said the doctor, and then left before Crocket could apologize. Crocket was angry and confused. He need more time to think, more so then last time. He was about to try to get some rest when he remembered that he was hungry. He rang for a nurse.
Who showed up surprised him more than the convenience of this plot point did me. It was Ran, fully dressed in a nurse’s outfit. Crocket lied there, not making a hint of sound, admiring the sight. “Do you need something, Crocket? Or are you just gonna stare at my bust for a while?” Slap, back to reality.
“Uh, yeah, sorry. I’m kind of hungry. What is there to eat around here?” asked Crocket.
“I can pretty much make anything, I guess. What would you like?” responded Ran
“I’m in the mood for some fish tacos with some soy sauce if that’s at all possible.” said Crocket.
“Alright, I’ll have it made as soon as I can.” said Ran. “And don’t stare at my ass when I leave.” she added.
He did.
A little while later, Ran came back with tacos. A word of advice for any of you that might write in the future: never write when you’re hungry. She put them down in front of Crocket. “I’m sorry that took so long. I had to fly to Japan and back for bluefin tuna and soy sauce.”
“It’s no problem at all. Thanks for going so out of your way to get this for me.” said Crocket.
“No problem. I forgot to thank you before. For saving me. I’m sorry you go so injured.” said Ran.
“What this. I think of it as a new add-on for my body.” responded Crocket.
“I’m glad to hear that. If there is anything I can do to make it easier on you, just let me know.” said Ran.
Crocket’s not a pervert like the rest of you, and said “Man, I can’t stand these beds. First the cell, and now this hospital bed. I could use a more comfortable place to sleep.”
“Sure. I’ll see if I can arrange for you to sleep in the guest room at my house. Until then, is there anything else I can do for you?” asked Ran
“Could you possibly get me out of the execution?”Crocket pleaded.
“You have found the one thing I cannot do. I’m sorry, but Yukari’s word goes above my own.” explained Ran.
“So it’s really going to happen. I’m going to die tomorrow.” Crocket said, realizing his fate was sealed.”One more thing then; a question. Why did you save me? There is something more to it than that fact that I saved you.”
“*Sigh* I was afraid you might have over heard us. The stone that fell on you head when you came here, it foretold a prophecy. That one day a half man/half machine would come and help restore balance between the humans and the demons. Yukari doesn’t believe in such things, but the fact the stone fell on your head of all people is evidence enough of something supernatural.” said Ran
See, like I said ‘Then a convenient plot devise fell from the ceiling onto Crocket’s head.’
The sound of ‘Nurse! Nurse!’ in the background signaled it was time for their conversation to end. Crocket put his head back and tried to rest, trying to think of a way to escape.
“It’s no problem at all. Thanks for going so out of your way to get this for me.” said Crocket.
“No problem. I forgot to thank you before. For saving me. I’m sorry you go so injured.” said Ran.
“What this. I think of it as a new add-on for my body.” responded Crocket.
“I’m glad to hear that. If there is anything I can do to make it easier on you, just let me know.” said Ran.
Crocket’s not a pervert like the rest of you, and said “Man, I can’t stand these beds. First the cell, and now this hospital bed. I could use a more comfortable place to sleep.”
“Sure. I’ll see if I can arrange for you to sleep in the guest room at my house. Until then, is there anything else I can do for you?” asked Ran
“Could you possibly get me out of the execution?”Crocket pleaded.
“You have found the one thing I cannot do. I’m sorry, but Yukari’s word goes above my own.” explained Ran.
“So it’s really going to happen. I’m going to die tomorrow.” Crocket said, realizing his fate was sealed.”One more thing then; a question. Why did you save me? There is something more to it than that fact that I saved you.”
“*Sigh* I was afraid you might have over heard us. The stone that fell on you head when you came here, it foretold a prophecy. That one day a half man/half machine would come and help restore balance between the humans and the demons. Yukari doesn’t believe in such things, but the fact the stone fell on your head of all people is evidence enough of something supernatural.” said Ran
See, like I said ‘Then a convenient plot devise fell from the ceiling onto Crocket’s head.’
The sound of ‘Nurse! Nurse!’ in the background signaled it was time for their conversation to end. Crocket put his head back and tried to rest, trying to think of a way to escape.
The following segment contains love interest, and while no graphic material is written, it is implied. I don't think a *Read with Caution* is necessary, but here is warning. Two people get laid in here, both not 100% human. Also, this section is thin as hell, joke wise. I wanted to keep the first saga under 13 parts.
When Crocket woke up, he felt of good enough health to get on his feet. He hopped up off the bed, and then the doctor came in. “Looks like you’ll be staying with Ms. Ran tonight. I’ll just give you a give you a quick examination, and then you’ll be on your way.”
The examination consisted of the standard physical, a prostate examination, a couple shots, a prostate examination, a maintenance check on his arm, and a prostate examination. Afterwards, he wobbled to the entrance to the hospital. What he saw were signs of hatred and despise all around. And a few about wanting to see him juggle. He had no idea how they had found out he was a talented juggler. The signs of hatred were more common though. When he left the building, a parade of boos and jeers followed him to his destination. Someone threw a shoe at him, and his overall approval rating went up. It was utter chaos all the way to Ran’s house.
When he arrived, he ran to the center of the house, where the windows wouldn’t be able to see him. As if he somehow thought they were zombies, and if he broke a line of sight, they would forget he’s there. “You’re a pretty popular guy, huh?” said Ran, condescendingly.
“Yeah, I’m loved. By the juggling fans.” replied Crocket.
“Oh. Aren’t you special?” Ran commented.
“I’m the only android you ever seen, right?” Crocket smirked.
“I suppose you win this round. Shall I show you were you‘ll be staying?” said Ran.
“Sure.” responded Crocket. She showed him to a large room with a large mattress, and Def Leppard posters on every wall. The room had been cleaned, but showed signs of continued us. “Has anyone stayed here before” asked Crocket.
“Yeah, this was my brother’s room. Sorry, he was a big Def Leppard fan.” explained Ran. She pointed out the blow up sex doll with Rick Allen’s face taped to it.
“Oh yeah? What happened to him?” asked Crocket.
“He… he passed on.” she said, breaking eye contact immediately.
“Oh no, I didn’t…” replied Crocket concerned he had stepped on a land mine.
“No, no, he was kidnapped by Electric Six, and taken to a gay bar. He never returned home. They found him dead on the side of a street, without so much as an ID on him. They figured out it was him because his name was written on his underwear.” Ran explained, choking on ever word.
“I’m… so sorry for you’re lo-“said Crocket in attempt to lighten the mood.
“And the bastard left his PS3 to his cousin-in-law! Who the hell does he think he is?” yelled Ran.
“I see you’ve had a troubled past. I’m sorry I brought it up.” said Crocket.
“No, it’s fine. It’s just that I’ve been alone in this house for so long. You being here just brought back memories I had long forgotten.” she explained.
“Well, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” asked Crocket, trying to lighten the mood.
It failed. She broke out into tears and fell over onto Crockets lap. “Why? Why does everything in this world have to be so cruel?” Ran spoke, inadvertently ignoring Crocket question.
Crocket responded, while patting her head, “It’s alright, I’m here for you.”
“But tomorrow you won’t be! And I’ll be alone again.” Ran yelled. There was silence all across the room. Not a word was spoken. Crocket finally interjected the silence.
“That may be. But for today, I’m here for you, and we might as well make the best of it.” Crocket’s words moved within her. It all came out now, she was balling and crying at the top of her lungs for a man she hardly knew anything about.
What happened in that night are details which I will not include. The reader is at a freedom to choose what happened that night. However the truth is.
BROTHER GOT LAID!
When Crocket woke up, he felt of good enough health to get on his feet. He hopped up off the bed, and then the doctor came in. “Looks like you’ll be staying with Ms. Ran tonight. I’ll just give you a give you a quick examination, and then you’ll be on your way.”
The examination consisted of the standard physical, a prostate examination, a couple shots, a prostate examination, a maintenance check on his arm, and a prostate examination. Afterwards, he wobbled to the entrance to the hospital. What he saw were signs of hatred and despise all around. And a few about wanting to see him juggle. He had no idea how they had found out he was a talented juggler. The signs of hatred were more common though. When he left the building, a parade of boos and jeers followed him to his destination. Someone threw a shoe at him, and his overall approval rating went up. It was utter chaos all the way to Ran’s house.
When he arrived, he ran to the center of the house, where the windows wouldn’t be able to see him. As if he somehow thought they were zombies, and if he broke a line of sight, they would forget he’s there. “You’re a pretty popular guy, huh?” said Ran, condescendingly.
“Yeah, I’m loved. By the juggling fans.” replied Crocket.
“Oh. Aren’t you special?” Ran commented.
“I’m the only android you ever seen, right?” Crocket smirked.
“I suppose you win this round. Shall I show you were you‘ll be staying?” said Ran.
“Sure.” responded Crocket. She showed him to a large room with a large mattress, and Def Leppard posters on every wall. The room had been cleaned, but showed signs of continued us. “Has anyone stayed here before” asked Crocket.
“Yeah, this was my brother’s room. Sorry, he was a big Def Leppard fan.” explained Ran. She pointed out the blow up sex doll with Rick Allen’s face taped to it.
“Oh yeah? What happened to him?” asked Crocket.
“He… he passed on.” she said, breaking eye contact immediately.
“Oh no, I didn’t…” replied Crocket concerned he had stepped on a land mine.
“No, no, he was kidnapped by Electric Six, and taken to a gay bar. He never returned home. They found him dead on the side of a street, without so much as an ID on him. They figured out it was him because his name was written on his underwear.” Ran explained, choking on ever word.
“I’m… so sorry for you’re lo-“said Crocket in attempt to lighten the mood.
“And the bastard left his PS3 to his cousin-in-law! Who the hell does he think he is?” yelled Ran.
“I see you’ve had a troubled past. I’m sorry I brought it up.” said Crocket.
“No, it’s fine. It’s just that I’ve been alone in this house for so long. You being here just brought back memories I had long forgotten.” she explained.
“Well, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” asked Crocket, trying to lighten the mood.
It failed. She broke out into tears and fell over onto Crockets lap. “Why? Why does everything in this world have to be so cruel?” Ran spoke, inadvertently ignoring Crocket question.
Crocket responded, while patting her head, “It’s alright, I’m here for you.”
“But tomorrow you won’t be! And I’ll be alone again.” Ran yelled. There was silence all across the room. Not a word was spoken. Crocket finally interjected the silence.
“That may be. But for today, I’m here for you, and we might as well make the best of it.” Crocket’s words moved within her. It all came out now, she was balling and crying at the top of her lungs for a man she hardly knew anything about.
What happened in that night are details which I will not include. The reader is at a freedom to choose what happened that night. However the truth is.
BROTHER GOT LAID!
Crocket and Ran woke up with each in the others hands. Ran was contemplating her ideas. She didn’t want to kill Crocket, but she didn’t know if it would be possible to sneak him out. Crocket saw the concerned look on her face, and knew what she was thinking. “I don’t think I can get out of here.” said Crocket.
“I can’t think of a way. Guards are on patrol 24 hours a day here, and all the exits are sealed shut. It’s virtually impossible to get in or out from any side of the cave.” Ran explained.
“Well, what about up?” Crocket asked.
“No good, the amount of noise from trying to surface would alert the guards.” Ran pointed out.
“Well, isn’t there anything I can do to get out of here?” Crocket asked.
“I did think of one way, but it’s risky and really smelly.” said Ran. Crocket immediately knew what she was going to do. The garbage was dumped on the west side of the cave, and then ride the dump as it was brought to the surface. He would have to hide in the garbage, take it to the dump, dodge a few guards, and he was home free. They sat and discussed how it was going to be done. The garbage was going to be collected in 20 minutes, so they had to act fast if they wanted to make it.
The plan was put into action. Ran took out 3 garbage bags, just so it didn’t look suspicious, carrying one bag in the middle of the night to a dump. She wasn’t Italian, so she had never done this before. On the way there, she was stopped by guards. They questioned her as to what she was doing, and where she was going. She explained she was simply going to drop off her garbage at the dump for collection. They asked if they could search the bags. She said she was a busy woman, and had places to be. However, no dice, they said they had to search the bags, because a criminal was at her house. “The only way he could have gotten past the guards at your house was by hiding in one of these bags. Now, I’ll ask you again, let us search the bags.” She complied. He opened the first bag, filled with cans, tethered clothing, and Def Leppard CDs. She’d been throwing them out slowly since her brother passed away. The second bag was filled with a broken chair and a broken mirror. 7 years of bad luck. He got to the third bag, when all of the sudden, a clank in the background made him turn his head. In that moment, Crocket burst out of the bag, and wacked the guard in the back of the head. He passed out almost instantly.
Now they had to move. They could see the gate of the dump, and only one guard was on duty, patrolling around in circles. They had to time their motions perfectly to get past him. He circled the dump every 40 or so seconds. He could see the entrance from almost every point in his path. However, when he passed the opposite the entrance building, he could see the entrance. They waited for that moment and jolted for the entrance. It appeared that they had made it. Crocket hid the best he could within the dump, and Ran put down her bags. The guard noticed Ran and made his way over to her.
“What are you doing here this late, Ms.Ran?” asked the guard.
“Just dropping off some garbage.” responded Ran.
“Well, you probably want to get out of here, the garbage gets picked up in 3 minutes.” said the guard
“Sure, just let me finish sorting my trash, and I’ll be on my way.” replied Ran. The entire time she sorted it, she looked at Crocket’s hiding spot, as if wanting to see him one more time before he left. The guard interjected “What’cya lookin’ at?”
“Nothing, just thinking is all.” said Ran.
“Okay, well just hurry up.” The guard was growing impatient. She finished, and the guard moved to escort her out. As she walked she took one more peek to Crocket hiding spot, to no avail. He had made sure he could be seen.
When she had left, the truck pulled in, loaded up and left, carrying Crocket with them. Out the back of the truck, Ran saw Crocket waving good bye. She wanted to wave back, but if she did, the guard did would notice Crocket. As they left sight, the siren went off. Someone found the guard they had knocked out earlier. Crocket was home free; he could see the light of day. Except when he surfaced, it was midnight. He looked around, expecting to see grass. But he didn’t. What was around him was scorched earth. He re-remembered why they were going to kill him. Consumed with guilt, he walked the midnight road to nowhere, alone.
“I can’t think of a way. Guards are on patrol 24 hours a day here, and all the exits are sealed shut. It’s virtually impossible to get in or out from any side of the cave.” Ran explained.
“Well, what about up?” Crocket asked.
“No good, the amount of noise from trying to surface would alert the guards.” Ran pointed out.
“Well, isn’t there anything I can do to get out of here?” Crocket asked.
“I did think of one way, but it’s risky and really smelly.” said Ran. Crocket immediately knew what she was going to do. The garbage was dumped on the west side of the cave, and then ride the dump as it was brought to the surface. He would have to hide in the garbage, take it to the dump, dodge a few guards, and he was home free. They sat and discussed how it was going to be done. The garbage was going to be collected in 20 minutes, so they had to act fast if they wanted to make it.
The plan was put into action. Ran took out 3 garbage bags, just so it didn’t look suspicious, carrying one bag in the middle of the night to a dump. She wasn’t Italian, so she had never done this before. On the way there, she was stopped by guards. They questioned her as to what she was doing, and where she was going. She explained she was simply going to drop off her garbage at the dump for collection. They asked if they could search the bags. She said she was a busy woman, and had places to be. However, no dice, they said they had to search the bags, because a criminal was at her house. “The only way he could have gotten past the guards at your house was by hiding in one of these bags. Now, I’ll ask you again, let us search the bags.” She complied. He opened the first bag, filled with cans, tethered clothing, and Def Leppard CDs. She’d been throwing them out slowly since her brother passed away. The second bag was filled with a broken chair and a broken mirror. 7 years of bad luck. He got to the third bag, when all of the sudden, a clank in the background made him turn his head. In that moment, Crocket burst out of the bag, and wacked the guard in the back of the head. He passed out almost instantly.
Now they had to move. They could see the gate of the dump, and only one guard was on duty, patrolling around in circles. They had to time their motions perfectly to get past him. He circled the dump every 40 or so seconds. He could see the entrance from almost every point in his path. However, when he passed the opposite the entrance building, he could see the entrance. They waited for that moment and jolted for the entrance. It appeared that they had made it. Crocket hid the best he could within the dump, and Ran put down her bags. The guard noticed Ran and made his way over to her.
“What are you doing here this late, Ms.Ran?” asked the guard.
“Just dropping off some garbage.” responded Ran.
“Well, you probably want to get out of here, the garbage gets picked up in 3 minutes.” said the guard
“Sure, just let me finish sorting my trash, and I’ll be on my way.” replied Ran. The entire time she sorted it, she looked at Crocket’s hiding spot, as if wanting to see him one more time before he left. The guard interjected “What’cya lookin’ at?”
“Nothing, just thinking is all.” said Ran.
“Okay, well just hurry up.” The guard was growing impatient. She finished, and the guard moved to escort her out. As she walked she took one more peek to Crocket hiding spot, to no avail. He had made sure he could be seen.
When she had left, the truck pulled in, loaded up and left, carrying Crocket with them. Out the back of the truck, Ran saw Crocket waving good bye. She wanted to wave back, but if she did, the guard did would notice Crocket. As they left sight, the siren went off. Someone found the guard they had knocked out earlier. Crocket was home free; he could see the light of day. Except when he surfaced, it was midnight. He looked around, expecting to see grass. But he didn’t. What was around him was scorched earth. He re-remembered why they were going to kill him. Consumed with guilt, he walked the midnight road to nowhere, alone.
***SAGA TWO***
-Part 1-
Chen was the average young high school student. Good grades actively evolved with sports and clubs, Chen seemed the model of average. Except of few things made her easy to point out in a group. One; she was extremely small for her age. At 15 she was 4’11”. Two; she had a problem speaking English. Not that she was a foreigner; she just always seemed to have an odd accent. Oh, and one more thing. She had cat ears and 2 tails. Did that seem important? Whoops.
Her cat ears and tails had gotten her some odd attention over the years. Mostly negative, but some uncomfortably positive. Between the constant bullying and occasional admiration, Chen had become accustom to her life and couldn’t see it any other way. Too bad the author can.
Chen’s average day at school had become a daily cycle, she had memorized it. 1st period – Math, 2nd period – Engrish, 3rd Period – Daily Chen beating, so on, so forth. She played soccer after school and then went home.
She lived by herself; she had since an incident with a foster parent 2 years ago. Like I said, uncomfortably itive. She lived on the 4th floor of a small apartment complex. She cooked for herself, studied and went to bed on time. For a girl with such an odd predicament, she was remarkably boring, if this part didn’t give it away yet.
Her cat ears and tails had gotten her some odd attention over the years. Mostly negative, but some uncomfortably positive. Between the constant bullying and occasional admiration, Chen had become accustom to her life and couldn’t see it any other way. Too bad the author can.
Chen’s average day at school had become a daily cycle, she had memorized it. 1st period – Math, 2nd period – Engrish, 3rd Period – Daily Chen beating, so on, so forth. She played soccer after school and then went home.
She lived by herself; she had since an incident with a foster parent 2 years ago. Like I said, uncomfortably itive. She lived on the 4th floor of a small apartment complex. She cooked for herself, studied and went to bed on time. For a girl with such an odd predicament, she was remarkably boring, if this part didn’t give it away yet.
Chen's daily cycle was about to be interrupted by an all-too-familiar douche. 16 years had passed, and Crocket had aged well. He was still healthy and fit, but if you take into consideration half of him doesn’t age, he was pretty normal. Crocket had entered the capital city, where I just decided the rest of this part will take place. The years hadn’t been as kind to Gotham city as it was to Crocket, still ravaged from wars past. Batman took an extended vacation with G-man’s voice actor, still on vacation. Valve promised, however, to release HL2:E3 within the year.
Crocket, wanting to look as suspicious as possible, wore a black trench coat that went down to his ankles. He also wore a top hat, only as Crocket could deliver. He fit right in; the city was filled with gangs, larcenists, and homicidal clowns. The crime rate was higher than the employment rate. The clown rate was also higher than anywhere else. You could become quite rich as a gangster clown, or as they called themselves “clown gangsters.”
Crocket wasn’t at all clean. His black trench coat was tattered to the point that he looked homeless. Probably because, by definition, he was. Crocket wandered in search of the nearest high school, in search for a newly introduced character. His searches lead him to a memorial. He looked at the memorial, which filled him with bad emotions. It was a memorial to the brave men and women who served in the Battle of the Cave, which was pretty odd name for a battle. On the list of men and women, certain names were exalted above others. And among them was his own.
Crocket found a dark, cramped alleyway with an abandoned cardboard box. He said “Well, that’s a change of pace from the last city.” He approached the box to see it filed with a litter of cats, and a mother. Crocket left them alone, and reminisced in his past love. Times were tough. Hopefully he would find what he was looking for before the reader starts to scream, ‘Get on with it!’
Crocket, wanting to look as suspicious as possible, wore a black trench coat that went down to his ankles. He also wore a top hat, only as Crocket could deliver. He fit right in; the city was filled with gangs, larcenists, and homicidal clowns. The crime rate was higher than the employment rate. The clown rate was also higher than anywhere else. You could become quite rich as a gangster clown, or as they called themselves “clown gangsters.”
Crocket wasn’t at all clean. His black trench coat was tattered to the point that he looked homeless. Probably because, by definition, he was. Crocket wandered in search of the nearest high school, in search for a newly introduced character. His searches lead him to a memorial. He looked at the memorial, which filled him with bad emotions. It was a memorial to the brave men and women who served in the Battle of the Cave, which was pretty odd name for a battle. On the list of men and women, certain names were exalted above others. And among them was his own.
Crocket found a dark, cramped alleyway with an abandoned cardboard box. He said “Well, that’s a change of pace from the last city.” He approached the box to see it filed with a litter of cats, and a mother. Crocket left them alone, and reminisced in his past love. Times were tough. Hopefully he would find what he was looking for before the reader starts to scream, ‘Get on with it!’
The next day, Chen had forgotten to set her alarm clock… down on something non-flammable. A small fire woke her up as much as the alarm did. Through sufficient panicking and usage of fire extinguishers, she was able to best the fire, huzah! Now there was another problem. She was going to be late for her finals. It was finals week at her school, and there was no retaking them if you missed them. The only way to get to her school on time was the city bus, and she hated the bus, because it was almost always filled with bums, gangster clowns, and homeless asking for change and sleeping on the bus. Today she had no choice; she had to take the bus.
She had almost not caught the bus, due to mob of weeaboos and furrys carrying signs like “Love me” and “Kawaii ^_^” When she got on the bus, she was relived. There appeared to be no homeless. She headed for the back, but then noticed Crocket, sleeping in the back of the bus. She noticed that for a bum, he was well shaven and looked to be of good health. His top hat and trench coat made him look dangerous. She sat two seats in front of him, almost fascinated by the man she was seeing. Crocket let out a loud yawn, and rubbed his eyes. Chen quickly stopped looking forward, and tried o hide herself. In this town, you were better off safe than sorry.
Crocket had noticed the cat ears protruding from the seat in front of him. He rubbed his eyes again. He became maddened with his sudden burst of happiness. He let out a yell of “Ran!” before realizing that it couldn’t be her. Chen slid down even further. When Crocket looked up, the sight of ears had disappeared. He felt like he was going insane.
Chen’s stop was coming up, and she wanted to leave without being seen Crocket, who she now thought crazy. She was less than a block way, and went to pull the string, when all the sudden it was pulled before her. Crocket had pulled it. She was in trouble in her own mind. She put on a hood that covered her ears and moved to the front of the bus. The stop had come, and Chen bolted out the door. So much so, her hood blew back as she ran. Crocket made his way off the bus then saw Chen running. He had forgotten all about what he was going to do, and sat down. The bus driver said “You getting off or not?” He shook his head, and sat back down, and took down the name of the school. Sarasaki High. Damn, I knew the name of the school from Yu Yu Hakusho off the top of my head.
She had almost not caught the bus, due to mob of weeaboos and furrys carrying signs like “Love me” and “Kawaii ^_^” When she got on the bus, she was relived. There appeared to be no homeless. She headed for the back, but then noticed Crocket, sleeping in the back of the bus. She noticed that for a bum, he was well shaven and looked to be of good health. His top hat and trench coat made him look dangerous. She sat two seats in front of him, almost fascinated by the man she was seeing. Crocket let out a loud yawn, and rubbed his eyes. Chen quickly stopped looking forward, and tried o hide herself. In this town, you were better off safe than sorry.
Crocket had noticed the cat ears protruding from the seat in front of him. He rubbed his eyes again. He became maddened with his sudden burst of happiness. He let out a yell of “Ran!” before realizing that it couldn’t be her. Chen slid down even further. When Crocket looked up, the sight of ears had disappeared. He felt like he was going insane.
Chen’s stop was coming up, and she wanted to leave without being seen Crocket, who she now thought crazy. She was less than a block way, and went to pull the string, when all the sudden it was pulled before her. Crocket had pulled it. She was in trouble in her own mind. She put on a hood that covered her ears and moved to the front of the bus. The stop had come, and Chen bolted out the door. So much so, her hood blew back as she ran. Crocket made his way off the bus then saw Chen running. He had forgotten all about what he was going to do, and sat down. The bus driver said “You getting off or not?” He shook his head, and sat back down, and took down the name of the school. Sarasaki High. Damn, I knew the name of the school from Yu Yu Hakusho off the top of my head.
Crocket rode the bus a few more stops. When he got off, he went to the nearest pay-phone. He looked for the address of Sarsaki High, and hours they could be reached. He needs 50 cents to make a call. He felt around each pocket, he pulled out a dime, and some foreign bills adding to 6,000 yen. He had about 10 cents. The bus had cost him $ 1.50, so he was not short on cash. He also needed money to eat. He wasn’t going to settle for cat like he did last night. He walked down to whatever the equivalent of Canal Street is in Gotham. He was going to try to steal and sell something for a quick buck. He made his way down to the street.
When he got there, he was in hat heaven. Fedoras and tyroleans and top hats as far as the eye could see. Well, as far as a partially blind man could see on a sunny day. He thought stealing a hat would be easy. He was wrong. The drop rate was low, err, I mean, a retailer pulled him over before he even bought something. He asked “You gonna pay for that hat, buddy?”
“This is my hat, I came here with it.” He replied.
“Right, some hobo just randomly pops into a top hat retailer with a top hat. I doubt it. Put the hat down and leave and we won’t have a problem.” He said, pulling out a knife. He put the knife on the table, but Crocket never broke eye contact. He remained silent for a moment then went right past the retailer to look at more hats. “Hey buddy, get back here, or you’ll regret it” He yelled with anger. Other customers took notice of the ruckus. Everyone looked his way except Crocket. “That’s it buddy!” He said, as he went to go grab the hat off of his head. Crocket grabbed his hand as he reached for his hat. He started to crush his hand as he did it.
“Listen to me, “buddy,” this isn’t your hat, so leave me the hell alone.” Crocket said, as the retailer was in quite a bit of pain. He reached for the knife he had put on the table and stabbed him in the chest. An audible “clank” was as loud as the gasps from everyone around. Crocket dropped the retailer, took the knife in his hand, which had been folded inward, and straightened it. He made his way for the door, and as he left, added “I’ll take my business else ware.”
He may have looked bad ass, but it didn’t change his predicament. He still needed some money. Low and behold, he found a five dollar bill on the floor when he left. He picked it up, and admired how he felt his luck was about to change.
He made his way to the nearest McDonalds, bought himself dinner, and then took the change and headed to the nearest payphone.
When he got there, he was in hat heaven. Fedoras and tyroleans and top hats as far as the eye could see. Well, as far as a partially blind man could see on a sunny day. He thought stealing a hat would be easy. He was wrong. The drop rate was low, err, I mean, a retailer pulled him over before he even bought something. He asked “You gonna pay for that hat, buddy?”
“This is my hat, I came here with it.” He replied.
“Right, some hobo just randomly pops into a top hat retailer with a top hat. I doubt it. Put the hat down and leave and we won’t have a problem.” He said, pulling out a knife. He put the knife on the table, but Crocket never broke eye contact. He remained silent for a moment then went right past the retailer to look at more hats. “Hey buddy, get back here, or you’ll regret it” He yelled with anger. Other customers took notice of the ruckus. Everyone looked his way except Crocket. “That’s it buddy!” He said, as he went to go grab the hat off of his head. Crocket grabbed his hand as he reached for his hat. He started to crush his hand as he did it.
“Listen to me, “buddy,” this isn’t your hat, so leave me the hell alone.” Crocket said, as the retailer was in quite a bit of pain. He reached for the knife he had put on the table and stabbed him in the chest. An audible “clank” was as loud as the gasps from everyone around. Crocket dropped the retailer, took the knife in his hand, which had been folded inward, and straightened it. He made his way for the door, and as he left, added “I’ll take my business else ware.”
He may have looked bad ass, but it didn’t change his predicament. He still needed some money. Low and behold, he found a five dollar bill on the floor when he left. He picked it up, and admired how he felt his luck was about to change.
He made his way to the nearest McDonalds, bought himself dinner, and then took the change and headed to the nearest payphone.
He made his way to a payphone. It was Verizon, so it had service, but looked really ugly, so no one was using it. He called the school, and a middle aged lady chewing bubble gum answered. “Hello?” she stated, chomping hard on her gum.
“Umm, hi, I’m looking for some information about one of your students.” Crocket said.
“Kay, what’s their name?” she asked.
“Well, quite frankly, I don’t know.” Crocket stated, nervously. He knew if he said the wrong things, he might not get any information.
“Allllright then, do you know what class they’re in right now?” she asked.
“No, I don’t really know anything about her other than her physical appearance.” Crocket answered.
“Sir, may I ask why you are looking for this person? If you can’t, then I’m afraid I cannot give you any information.” she said. The moment of truth had arrived. If he didn’t say the right things, he would never get to see Chen.
“The kid, she’s, well, an orphan. And I think I know her real parents. I think they should be reunited.” Crocket said.
“Does the person you are talking about have cat ears by any chance?” she asked.
“Yes. Yeah, that’s her, defiantly.” Crocket replied, thinking he had done it.
“Okay, I can give you her home address. First, may I have your name?” Crocket hadn’t plan for that. He couldn’t give out a real name, or his code name, he had to create one spontaneously.
“My name, is, uh Richard Masterson.” He said. He believed it worked.
“Dick Masterson? Is that really your name? I’m… sorry.” she said, laughing. She gave Crocket an address. “Chen lives at 1000 100th street, between 10th and 11th.” She said, still chomping like it was an Olympic sport.
Crocket thanked her and hung up. He now had a name and an address. Now all he needed was a bath and a new change of clothes. He knew just the place to do it. “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA” after all.
“Umm, hi, I’m looking for some information about one of your students.” Crocket said.
“Kay, what’s their name?” she asked.
“Well, quite frankly, I don’t know.” Crocket stated, nervously. He knew if he said the wrong things, he might not get any information.
“Allllright then, do you know what class they’re in right now?” she asked.
“No, I don’t really know anything about her other than her physical appearance.” Crocket answered.
“Sir, may I ask why you are looking for this person? If you can’t, then I’m afraid I cannot give you any information.” she said. The moment of truth had arrived. If he didn’t say the right things, he would never get to see Chen.
“The kid, she’s, well, an orphan. And I think I know her real parents. I think they should be reunited.” Crocket said.
“Does the person you are talking about have cat ears by any chance?” she asked.
“Yes. Yeah, that’s her, defiantly.” Crocket replied, thinking he had done it.
“Okay, I can give you her home address. First, may I have your name?” Crocket hadn’t plan for that. He couldn’t give out a real name, or his code name, he had to create one spontaneously.
“My name, is, uh Richard Masterson.” He said. He believed it worked.
“Dick Masterson? Is that really your name? I’m… sorry.” she said, laughing. She gave Crocket an address. “Chen lives at 1000 100th street, between 10th and 11th.” She said, still chomping like it was an Olympic sport.
Crocket thanked her and hung up. He now had a name and an address. Now all he needed was a bath and a new change of clothes. He knew just the place to do it. “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA” after all.
The YMCA wasn’t as fun as Village People made it sound. He saw many poor people, most who were hardly sane. He felt bad for them, and then he realized he was among them. He took his shower and left as fast as he could. He took some clothes they had in the back, and thanked them heavily before leaving.
Crocket was now pondering on what to say. Soon he was going to meet the person he was trying to find for 3 years, and this was the first time he had thought about what to say. You’d figure if he was smart he would have planned for it, but, alas, he was clueless.
He made his way towards 10th avenue, and then headed down to 100th street. He turned left and the apartment was there. Crocket walked in, and was greeted by the man at the front desk. “How may I help you?” He asked politely.
“Hello my name is Cr- Richard Masterson.” He responded. He almost gave away his identity there. Did you see it? Did you see it?
“Hey Dick, I’m George Orwell. You might recognize me from some famous books such as Animal Farm.” He boasted.
“I thought George Orwell was pen name.” said Crocket.
“Herm, well, yes, ummm. What did you want?” asked Orwell.
“Ah yes, I’m looking for Chen, is she in?” Crocket asked.
“Uh, no. She’s still out shopping or something. You know, what girls her age do. You need to tell her something? If so, I could leave her a note for when she gets back.” suggested Orwell.
“I need to talk to her personally.” Crocket responded.
“Sir, may I ask why you are looking for this person? If you can’t, then I’m afraid I cannot give you any information.” Orwell said.
“That made more sense when it was said in part 5. Why would you copy and paste one line from one character to another if it doesn’t even make sense too?” Crocket asked.
“What?” asked Orwell, confused as you were before you re-read that part of Part 5.
“Nothing, I’m just going to say what I said before, as it seems the author isn’t above copy and paste to save time. The kid’s an orphan. And I think I know her real parents. I think they should be reunited.” Crocket said. What? It saves time.
“Huh, real parents? That sound legitimate, but how do you know she even wants to see her real parents?” Orwell asked. The thought had never crossed Crockets mind. Maybe Chen didn’t want to see him. Well, too bad he was already there.
Crocket was now pondering on what to say. Soon he was going to meet the person he was trying to find for 3 years, and this was the first time he had thought about what to say. You’d figure if he was smart he would have planned for it, but, alas, he was clueless.
He made his way towards 10th avenue, and then headed down to 100th street. He turned left and the apartment was there. Crocket walked in, and was greeted by the man at the front desk. “How may I help you?” He asked politely.
“Hello my name is Cr- Richard Masterson.” He responded. He almost gave away his identity there. Did you see it? Did you see it?
“Hey Dick, I’m George Orwell. You might recognize me from some famous books such as Animal Farm.” He boasted.
“I thought George Orwell was pen name.” said Crocket.
“Herm, well, yes, ummm. What did you want?” asked Orwell.
“Ah yes, I’m looking for Chen, is she in?” Crocket asked.
“Uh, no. She’s still out shopping or something. You know, what girls her age do. You need to tell her something? If so, I could leave her a note for when she gets back.” suggested Orwell.
“I need to talk to her personally.” Crocket responded.
“Sir, may I ask why you are looking for this person? If you can’t, then I’m afraid I cannot give you any information.” Orwell said.
“That made more sense when it was said in part 5. Why would you copy and paste one line from one character to another if it doesn’t even make sense too?” Crocket asked.
“What?” asked Orwell, confused as you were before you re-read that part of Part 5.
“Nothing, I’m just going to say what I said before, as it seems the author isn’t above copy and paste to save time. The kid’s an orphan. And I think I know her real parents. I think they should be reunited.” Crocket said. What? It saves time.
“Huh, real parents? That sound legitimate, but how do you know she even wants to see her real parents?” Orwell asked. The thought had never crossed Crockets mind. Maybe Chen didn’t want to see him. Well, too bad he was already there.
Chen walked in at that moment. The room fell quiet. She ignored Crocket, figuring that he was asking about a room or something, and said hello to Mr. Orwell as she past him. “Hey Mr. Orwell.”
“Hey Chen. Had a long day?” asked Orwell.
“Good, not too much bullying today. I have work to do, I’ll see you later.” Chen said, walking out. As she left, she made eye contact with Crocket, who eyes were almost teary. Crocket watched her as he went to the stair case, then looked back to Orwell.
“I don’t want you to do something that could change her. She’s happy now, and maybe she’d be better off not knowing.” Orwell said.
“Maybe. But I don’t think she be at peace until she knows.” Crocket reasoned.
“And what exactly do you know about her? You haven’t seen her in a long time, if you even have. What makes you think you’re entitled to let her know this?” Orwell demanded.
“Because I’m the one who never got to raise my child! I’m the one who gave up everything for her, just so she could the way she does. And now, I want to just be able to see her again!” Crocket yelled.
“So you’re the father, huh? Then I want you to explain this to me, since you would know. What’s up with the cat ears?” Orwell asked.
“She’s half Shikigami, a demon-child in the most literal sense.” Crocket explained.
“What? How?” Orwell questioned.
“Go about 7,864 words up from here and read down.” said Crocket. Orwell fell out of the whole on the fourth wall, at this point so big, it could be seen clearly both ways.
Crocket made a motion for the stairwell, and tried to catch a glimpse of where Chen was going. He saw her turn away at the fourth story. She dropped one of her books, but didn’t seem to notice. The convenient plot device fell right on to Crockets head. The second time that’s happened. He deserved it for dropping Orwell of the face of the planet. He picked it up and bolted up the staircase. Inconveniently, since he bolted, and there for become light, no longer exists, but in another universe, where I didn’t use “bolt” the story continues tomorrow. Oh, we’re in that universe, by the way.
“Hey Chen. Had a long day?” asked Orwell.
“Good, not too much bullying today. I have work to do, I’ll see you later.” Chen said, walking out. As she left, she made eye contact with Crocket, who eyes were almost teary. Crocket watched her as he went to the stair case, then looked back to Orwell.
“I don’t want you to do something that could change her. She’s happy now, and maybe she’d be better off not knowing.” Orwell said.
“Maybe. But I don’t think she be at peace until she knows.” Crocket reasoned.
“And what exactly do you know about her? You haven’t seen her in a long time, if you even have. What makes you think you’re entitled to let her know this?” Orwell demanded.
“Because I’m the one who never got to raise my child! I’m the one who gave up everything for her, just so she could the way she does. And now, I want to just be able to see her again!” Crocket yelled.
“So you’re the father, huh? Then I want you to explain this to me, since you would know. What’s up with the cat ears?” Orwell asked.
“She’s half Shikigami, a demon-child in the most literal sense.” Crocket explained.
“What? How?” Orwell questioned.
“Go about 7,864 words up from here and read down.” said Crocket. Orwell fell out of the whole on the fourth wall, at this point so big, it could be seen clearly both ways.
Crocket made a motion for the stairwell, and tried to catch a glimpse of where Chen was going. He saw her turn away at the fourth story. She dropped one of her books, but didn’t seem to notice. The convenient plot device fell right on to Crockets head. The second time that’s happened. He deserved it for dropping Orwell of the face of the planet. He picked it up and bolted up the staircase. Inconveniently, since he bolted, and there for become light, no longer exists, but in another universe, where I didn’t use “bolt” the story continues tomorrow. Oh, we’re in that universe, by the way.
Crocket walked up the stair, his head was sore. Because he tried to grasp the joke I made about physics last paragraph. Oh, and the book thing. Right. He made his way up the stair slowly, like the pacing of the last few parts. Hell, like the pacing of this Saga. He made it to the top of the stairs, just in time to catch a glimpse of Chen going into her room. He thought about what Orwell had said. “All animals are equal, but some are more equal than others.” Then he realized that had very little to with the situation at hand. But then he thought about what the impostor Orwell had said. “How do you know she even wants to see her real parents?”
The thought that she didn’t want to know had gone against everything he had done try to find her. Crocket had made a decision long ago that this was right for her. He wasn’t going to stop because some Socialist told him to. He flung outside the room, and Chen was standing with her back to him, doing home work.
“Hello Chen.” Crocket said.
“Wha- oh, excuse me.” Chen said. For a while neither of them knew what to say. Crocket eventually spoke.
“Chen, what do you know about your mother?” Crocket asked. She broke eye contact for a second. The words ‘your mother’ seemed to tug on her heart.
“Nothing.” Chen said.
“Do you know who I am, Chen?” Crocket asked.
“You were the insane homeless guy on the bus a yesterday.” Chen replied.
“No Chen, I am your father.”
“Oh come on, finally an actually important plot point comes up and you ruin it with and obvious reference. How do you expect this to be taken seriously? What’s the point of reading this if it’s just mindless joke after mindless joke?” Chen raged.
“Why is family guy so popular?” Crocket reasoned.
“Fair enough.” Chen replied. “But, then who was my mother?”
“Your mom was most well known as ‘Action Viking Yakumo Ran.’ She was a well respected Officer.”
“What? Really? Did she serve in the Demon War?” Chen asked.
“Well, yes. She was the leader of the Demons.” Crocket explained.
“What!? I’m a demon? But then, you must be a demon, too, and you don’t look like a demon.” Chen was going into denial.
“I’m not. I’m an android. My name is Code Name Crocket; the Explosive Android.” said Crocket. Ha, how redundant.
“What, the legendary Crocket? He died in war. You are lying to me, got out of my room!”Chen yelled.
“No, I’m not.” He took off his coat to reveal his robot arms, as well as the robotic neck.
“Many people were modeled after Crocket’s design. You’re one of thousands.”
“And you’re one in a million. It’s amazing how similar you are to your mother. It’s impossible for me to prove it to you any other way then this, Chen.” Crocket pulled off his arm. He caused his finger to explode, causing a bright light to shine on the room. Chen didn’t know how to respond.
“Orwell!” she screamed “Get this guy out of her!”
“Orwell is current outside of reality, learning the story of how you were conceived.” Crocket responded.
“It doesn’t make sense. I was told that Crocket died in the Battle of the Cave. How could you have had a child with the leader of the demons you so willfully destroyed?” Chen asked.
“Because Chen, that fateful day, I learned that you can’t always do as you are told, and that sometimes, doing the unexpected can be the best mistake you ever made.” Crocket said.
“But why? Why did you and her… It can’t be possible.” Chen said.
“Search your feelings; you know it to be true.”
“*Sigh*, that again? Can you at least keep this semi-serious?” Chen replied.
“Sorry. It is possible. And you are proof that it is.” Crocket replied.
“But wouldn’t you have killed her? When you were detonated, you destroyed the whole battlefield and were never found. If the demons go to you, wouldn’t they have killed you, or wouldn’t you have killed them?” Chen asked.
“It’s complex Chen.” Crocket said.
“If what you’re saying is true, then you should have been killed.” Chen reasoned.
“It’s complex Chen. Your mom, she helped me escape. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her. When Orwell comes back, he’ll tell you how it happened. What’s important is why I came back for you. You see, when I had escaped from the cave, I was alone in the world. I was afraid that if I went back, the humans would execute me. I had them believe I was dead. I was able to stay alive with the skills I ascertained as an Apache, way back in the old days of the funserver. I survived on fruit and berries and a life time supply of military rations stole from camp. It was ruff. I could almost not eat 3 times a day.
“It was then that I heard the war was over. The demons had retreated back to the netherworld. They were making peace and leaving tomorrow. I heard it while stealing a playboy from his old general. I wanted to see Ran, at least one more time. By that point 8 months or so had passed. It was obvious that she was pregnant, but I didn’t know that until I saw her. When I saw that, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if it was mine, or if it was someone else’s, but it didn’t change the fact I wanted to talk to her. Actually, it was an increased motive.
“I snuck back into the cave. But that night, I didn’t expect what happened to happen. That night, the government was planning on letting the demons escape. They had hired a ruthless mercenary, Suika Ikubi. That damned Oni was the one who caused the massacre at the cave. Thankfully, I had gotten there before she did. I met with your mother. It was the first bit of happiness we had in a long time. However, the reunion was cut short. Before I could ask her about the baby, we heard explosions coming from the north.
“An army of Onis came and were terrorizing and killing all the demons. Most fled for the portal to the netherworld, but it had been sealed. Ran wanted to fight, but I didn’t allow it. She knew why, and she struggled so hard, but in her heart, she knew I was right. But that didn’t stop me from fighting. Ran hadn’t known until this point that I, in reality, was the one who had bombed the Battle of the Cave. But it had become revealed to her that night. Since the battle had past I had learned how to control my explosive powers. I went out into the battle field, and counted there explosions with some of my own. When Ran saw me explode, she turned away in disbelief. I wish I could have explained.
“Everyone fought valiantly, and they would have won if it weren’t for the Battle of the cave incident. All I could do was fight my hardest to buy the other demons time to try and escape. But few did. The humans made sure no one escaped. They brutally shot down everyone trying to run. Ran stayed. She was in no condition to be moving anywhere. Finally, Yukari had arrived and destroyed all the onis. They were all gone in an instant. By that point, there were so few demons you could count them on one hand.
“I ran back to Ran, to find she had been mortally wounded on the neck. They had cut the Jugular. It was a death sentence. I ran to her, and with her last energy, she slapped me across the face. ‘Don’t keep secrets from me, and don’t keep secrets from her.’ Those were her last words. Yukari managed to save the baby. A little girl. Ran had wanted to name her Chen. I couldn’t disagree with her wish.
“I took the newborn with me into the world. I still couldn’t go back to the humans. Not after what I had seen them do. But I knew that you could live with them, even if it wasn’t with me. I went to the nearest city. I brought them a child, and said, ‘I need her to be taken care of.’ Poor choice of words, they thought I wanted you dead. They brought me to a slaughter house. I rephrased. ‘I need someone to help her, not kill her.’ They understood. They took the baby out of my custody. I told them, ‘Take good care of her, she the son of a war hero.’
“That was the last time I saw you until today.”
Chen and Crocket stood in utter silence. Chen finally said “How do I know this is true?”
“Do you have anything that can prove it isn’t? What I told you is exactly how it happened.” Crocket said.
“Why did you tell me then?” Chen asked.
“ ‘Don’t keep secrets from me, and don’t keep secrets from her.’ ” Crocket quoted. “I had to tell you, or I would have gone against your mother.”
“I still don’t believe you.” Chen said. “There are so many things that don’t make sense.”
“I didn’t want to show you this, but it’s come down to this.” Crocket pulled out a picture from his back pocket and handed it to Chen.
“Oh god! What’s that potato doing there? That isn’t supposed to bend that way! What with the sitar?” Chen yelled.
“I figured that would give you that kind of reaction. Here’s a video you should watch after I leave.” Crocket handed her a video titled ‘Chen’s birth.’ It had NSFW tags all over it. “Before I go, I have one more thing to tell you. That damned oni, she’s still alive. I would have killed her, but I need someone of demon blood to get to her. I will come back in a year. If you accept, then be outside this building this time next year. And be prepared.” Crocket walked out of the room, and left before Chen had time to respond. He disappeared into the forests alone, again.
The thought that she didn’t want to know had gone against everything he had done try to find her. Crocket had made a decision long ago that this was right for her. He wasn’t going to stop because some Socialist told him to. He flung outside the room, and Chen was standing with her back to him, doing home work.
“Hello Chen.” Crocket said.
“Wha- oh, excuse me.” Chen said. For a while neither of them knew what to say. Crocket eventually spoke.
“Chen, what do you know about your mother?” Crocket asked. She broke eye contact for a second. The words ‘your mother’ seemed to tug on her heart.
“Nothing.” Chen said.
“Do you know who I am, Chen?” Crocket asked.
“You were the insane homeless guy on the bus a yesterday.” Chen replied.
“No Chen, I am your father.”
“Oh come on, finally an actually important plot point comes up and you ruin it with and obvious reference. How do you expect this to be taken seriously? What’s the point of reading this if it’s just mindless joke after mindless joke?” Chen raged.
“Why is family guy so popular?” Crocket reasoned.
“Fair enough.” Chen replied. “But, then who was my mother?”
“Your mom was most well known as ‘Action Viking Yakumo Ran.’ She was a well respected Officer.”
“What? Really? Did she serve in the Demon War?” Chen asked.
“Well, yes. She was the leader of the Demons.” Crocket explained.
“What!? I’m a demon? But then, you must be a demon, too, and you don’t look like a demon.” Chen was going into denial.
“I’m not. I’m an android. My name is Code Name Crocket; the Explosive Android.” said Crocket. Ha, how redundant.
“What, the legendary Crocket? He died in war. You are lying to me, got out of my room!”Chen yelled.
“No, I’m not.” He took off his coat to reveal his robot arms, as well as the robotic neck.
“Many people were modeled after Crocket’s design. You’re one of thousands.”
“And you’re one in a million. It’s amazing how similar you are to your mother. It’s impossible for me to prove it to you any other way then this, Chen.” Crocket pulled off his arm. He caused his finger to explode, causing a bright light to shine on the room. Chen didn’t know how to respond.
“Orwell!” she screamed “Get this guy out of her!”
“Orwell is current outside of reality, learning the story of how you were conceived.” Crocket responded.
“It doesn’t make sense. I was told that Crocket died in the Battle of the Cave. How could you have had a child with the leader of the demons you so willfully destroyed?” Chen asked.
“Because Chen, that fateful day, I learned that you can’t always do as you are told, and that sometimes, doing the unexpected can be the best mistake you ever made.” Crocket said.
“But why? Why did you and her… It can’t be possible.” Chen said.
“Search your feelings; you know it to be true.”
“*Sigh*, that again? Can you at least keep this semi-serious?” Chen replied.
“Sorry. It is possible. And you are proof that it is.” Crocket replied.
“But wouldn’t you have killed her? When you were detonated, you destroyed the whole battlefield and were never found. If the demons go to you, wouldn’t they have killed you, or wouldn’t you have killed them?” Chen asked.
“It’s complex Chen.” Crocket said.
“If what you’re saying is true, then you should have been killed.” Chen reasoned.
“It’s complex Chen. Your mom, she helped me escape. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her. When Orwell comes back, he’ll tell you how it happened. What’s important is why I came back for you. You see, when I had escaped from the cave, I was alone in the world. I was afraid that if I went back, the humans would execute me. I had them believe I was dead. I was able to stay alive with the skills I ascertained as an Apache, way back in the old days of the funserver. I survived on fruit and berries and a life time supply of military rations stole from camp. It was ruff. I could almost not eat 3 times a day.
“It was then that I heard the war was over. The demons had retreated back to the netherworld. They were making peace and leaving tomorrow. I heard it while stealing a playboy from his old general. I wanted to see Ran, at least one more time. By that point 8 months or so had passed. It was obvious that she was pregnant, but I didn’t know that until I saw her. When I saw that, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if it was mine, or if it was someone else’s, but it didn’t change the fact I wanted to talk to her. Actually, it was an increased motive.
“I snuck back into the cave. But that night, I didn’t expect what happened to happen. That night, the government was planning on letting the demons escape. They had hired a ruthless mercenary, Suika Ikubi. That damned Oni was the one who caused the massacre at the cave. Thankfully, I had gotten there before she did. I met with your mother. It was the first bit of happiness we had in a long time. However, the reunion was cut short. Before I could ask her about the baby, we heard explosions coming from the north.
“An army of Onis came and were terrorizing and killing all the demons. Most fled for the portal to the netherworld, but it had been sealed. Ran wanted to fight, but I didn’t allow it. She knew why, and she struggled so hard, but in her heart, she knew I was right. But that didn’t stop me from fighting. Ran hadn’t known until this point that I, in reality, was the one who had bombed the Battle of the Cave. But it had become revealed to her that night. Since the battle had past I had learned how to control my explosive powers. I went out into the battle field, and counted there explosions with some of my own. When Ran saw me explode, she turned away in disbelief. I wish I could have explained.
“Everyone fought valiantly, and they would have won if it weren’t for the Battle of the cave incident. All I could do was fight my hardest to buy the other demons time to try and escape. But few did. The humans made sure no one escaped. They brutally shot down everyone trying to run. Ran stayed. She was in no condition to be moving anywhere. Finally, Yukari had arrived and destroyed all the onis. They were all gone in an instant. By that point, there were so few demons you could count them on one hand.
“I ran back to Ran, to find she had been mortally wounded on the neck. They had cut the Jugular. It was a death sentence. I ran to her, and with her last energy, she slapped me across the face. ‘Don’t keep secrets from me, and don’t keep secrets from her.’ Those were her last words. Yukari managed to save the baby. A little girl. Ran had wanted to name her Chen. I couldn’t disagree with her wish.
“I took the newborn with me into the world. I still couldn’t go back to the humans. Not after what I had seen them do. But I knew that you could live with them, even if it wasn’t with me. I went to the nearest city. I brought them a child, and said, ‘I need her to be taken care of.’ Poor choice of words, they thought I wanted you dead. They brought me to a slaughter house. I rephrased. ‘I need someone to help her, not kill her.’ They understood. They took the baby out of my custody. I told them, ‘Take good care of her, she the son of a war hero.’
“That was the last time I saw you until today.”
Chen and Crocket stood in utter silence. Chen finally said “How do I know this is true?”
“Do you have anything that can prove it isn’t? What I told you is exactly how it happened.” Crocket said.
“Why did you tell me then?” Chen asked.
“ ‘Don’t keep secrets from me, and don’t keep secrets from her.’ ” Crocket quoted. “I had to tell you, or I would have gone against your mother.”
“I still don’t believe you.” Chen said. “There are so many things that don’t make sense.”
“I didn’t want to show you this, but it’s come down to this.” Crocket pulled out a picture from his back pocket and handed it to Chen.
“Oh god! What’s that potato doing there? That isn’t supposed to bend that way! What with the sitar?” Chen yelled.
“I figured that would give you that kind of reaction. Here’s a video you should watch after I leave.” Crocket handed her a video titled ‘Chen’s birth.’ It had NSFW tags all over it. “Before I go, I have one more thing to tell you. That damned oni, she’s still alive. I would have killed her, but I need someone of demon blood to get to her. I will come back in a year. If you accept, then be outside this building this time next year. And be prepared.” Crocket walked out of the room, and left before Chen had time to respond. He disappeared into the forests alone, again.
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***SAGA THREE***
Part 1
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Part 2
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Part 3
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Part 4
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Part 5
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Part 6
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Part 7
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Part 8
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Part 9
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Part 10
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Part 11
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Part 12 -The True Finale-
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***End of SAGA THREE***
THE END
