Jokes and Riddles

Unread post by **Hanzo_blade** » 06 Jan 2009, 09:14

Have any good ones you know? Post em! I know too many... but here's a few. Sexual Humor :B

Question: What has a head and tail but no body?
Answer: A coin

Q: What do you call a 6.9?
A: A great sex position fucked up by a period!

A guy is walking into his apt. room one day when he see a beautiful young woman standing outside her door in nothing but a towel. she waves him over and says," you wanna see whats under this towel?" She slowly starts to undo the towel when she stops and says " I think I hear somebody coming, we better go inside." So they go into her room and she proceeds undoing her towel. After it is completely off she asks, "What do you like the best?" The man replies, " your ears". She says "my ears? What about these tits, or my ass or my pussy? Why do you like my ears?" The man replies, "remember in the hallway when you said your heard somebody coming...it was me!"

Altair the spy · Unread post by **Altair the spy** » 06 Jan 2009, 09:23

a guy did a crime and is cought by his friendly cop(friend)the cop says if u tell me something true u get shot and if u say something not true u get hanged
what did he say to get free?
answer:i will be hung

Website · Unread post by **LilSam__U** » 06 Jan 2009, 09:31

u guys might kno this....

kk its a sunday morning...theres 6 ppl in house....a mother, father, daughter, brother, maid, and dog....the mom is cooking..the maid is cleaning..the dad is getting the mail..the sister is playin with the dog...the brother is playin video games..the lights shut off and the maid is dead..who killed the maid????

Altair the spy · Unread post by **Altair the spy** » 06 Jan 2009, 09:32

LilSam__U wrote:u guys might kno this....

kk its a sunday morning...theres 6 ppl in house....a mother, father, daughter, brother, maid, and dog....the mom is cooking..the maid is cleaning..the dad is getting the mail..the sister is playin with the dog...the brother is playin video games..the lights shut off and the maid is dead..who killed the maid????

the dad.he viotently raped her :P

Unread post by **Hanzo_blade** » 06 Jan 2009, 09:41

LilSam__U wrote:u guys might kno this....

kk its a sunday morning...theres 6 ppl in house....a mother, father, daughter, brother, maid, and dog....the mom is cooking..the maid is cleaning..the dad is getting the mail..the sister is playin with the dog...the brother is playin video games..the lights shut off and the maid is dead..who killed the maid????

I'm gonna say the maid died from.... A FIRE IN TEH KITCHEN. Nah, nothing funny about that.. hmm... THE DOG DID IT

Unread post by **Hanzo_blade** » 06 Jan 2009, 09:42

A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms: The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

Unread post by **captainAngry** » 07 Jan 2009, 10:30

Hanzo_blade wrote:A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms: The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

The room with the lions because they all died of starvation.

Unread post by **Hanzo_blade** » 07 Jan 2009, 02:51

captainangry wrote:
Hanzo_blade wrote:A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms: The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?
The room with the lions because they all died of starvation.

Yeah, that's right. You prolly heard it before! It's a well known riddle.

Unread post by **HurTmePlentY** » 07 Jan 2009, 07:07

I'm the beginning of eternity.
I'm the end of time and space.
I'm the beginning of every end,
And the end of every place.
what am i?

Unread post by **MrKerplunkers** » 07 Jan 2009, 07:26

The letter E.

Here are a few

1) A farmer combined 2 compost heaps with 3 others. How many compost heaps does he have?

2) Who succeeded the first Prime Minister of Australia ?

3) Why was Karl Marx (co-founder of communism) buried at Highgate Cemetery in London?

4) Why is the letter E like London?

5)What lives on its own substance and dies when it devours itself?

6) I never was, am always to be. No one ever saw me nor ever will. And yet I am the confidence of all. To live and breathe on this terrestrial
ball. What am I?

7) At night they come without being fetched and by day they are lost without being stolen. What I am talking about?

8) If you played knights of the old republic you may know this one. I am always hungry, I must be fed. Everything I lick will turn red. What I am?

The explanation as to how I know all of these riddles: My father is a middle aged man from Europe and found amusement in my young mind trying to figure these out.

Unread post by **MrKerplunkers** » 07 Jan 2009, 07:45

LilSam__U wrote:u guys might kno this....

kk its a sunday morning...theres 6 ppl in house....a mother, father, daughter, brother, maid, and dog....the mom is cooking..the maid is cleaning..the dad is getting the mail..the sister is playin with the dog...the brother is playin video games..the lights shut off and the maid is dead..who killed the maid????

Oh, just figured it out! The dad did it because there is no mail on sunday! :mrgreen:

Unread post by **Sastora** » 07 Jan 2009, 10:03

Aha!
Good job Mr. K.

Unread post by **Liquid Death** » 08 Jan 2009, 07:19

Dangerous solutions

1) A farmer combined 2 compost heaps with 3 others. How many compost heaps does he have?
1
2) Who succeeded the first Prime Minister of Australia ?
Umm, err, NEXT QUESTION
3) Why was Karl Marx (co-founder of communism) buried at Highgate Cemetery in London?
No clue
4) Why is the letter E like London?
because it's, the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end, and the end of every place.
5)What lives on its own substance and dies when it devours itself?
The last cannibal
6) I never was, am always to be. No one ever saw me nor ever will. And yet I am the confidence of all, To live and breathe on this terrestrial
ball. What am I?
God, maybe?
7) At night they come without being fetched and by day they are lost without being stolen. What I am talking about?
Vampires
8) If you played knights of the old republic you may know this one. I am always hungry, I must be fed. Everything I lick will turn red. What I am?
Fiyah

Unread post by **thedoghouse** » 08 Jan 2009, 07:56

death you used the EXACT same ones kerplunkers use :P copy and paste from joke websites ftl

Unread post by **MrKerplunkers** » 08 Jan 2009, 09:24

He was posting answers, and you got the 1st and last one correct.

Unread post by **thedoghouse** » 09 Jan 2009, 07:29

ooooh :oops: now I feel stupid :oops:

Unread post by **Sastora** » 17 Feb 2009, 09:52

Why don't sharks eat clowns?

Unread post by **Liquid Death** » 19 Feb 2009, 08:45

Sastora wrote:Why don't sharks eat clowns?

because clowns taste funny

Unread post by **Sastora** » 19 Feb 2009, 09:00

Yeah...Jerk..
Just kidding.
C:

Unread post by **arkawn** » 20 Feb 2009, 12:32

What animal goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

Unread post by **Thursday** » 21 Feb 2009, 10:20

arkawn wrote:What animal goes on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?

Man. A baby crawls, an adult walks, and an elderly person uses a cane. :3c

Unread post by **arkawn** » 21 Feb 2009, 11:18

ive had to listen to that riddle all week

stupid oedipus

Unread post by **Sastora** » 28 Feb 2009, 09:40

I think I did that one two years ago.
Can't remember.

calculatedChaos Gaming

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