Escape from Zambies

[Ohnoez]

> Type kill all ZAMBIES in console and observe the room

[Guy Montag]

WARNING, GAME CRASH TO DESKTOP IMMINENT. OVERLOAD OF DUMBFUCKERY.

REBOOTING, INTERPRETING MULTIPLE DUMBFUCK COMMANDS WITH ASSISTANCE OF A.N.D. (Artificial Non-Dumbfuck)

Realizing that ZAMBIES could still be following you, (although you can't hear any growling and are too distressed to turn around) you figure this console is instrumental to getting you off this walkway and on to the other side of this chasm. Your one free hand (as you're still holding the FRUIT PUNCH) skitters nervously across keys, activating the machine. The screen flares to life, and you realize the Empire must've been operating on a tight software budget.

>WECLOME TO SITHDOWS 98
>HOW TO CAN HELP WE?
>
>DIRECTIONS
>http://lolcats.com
>ACTIVATE LIGHT BRIDGE
>ANTI-ZAMBIE COUNTERMEASURES

You can activate as many of these southeast-asian programmed applications as you like, but the threat of ZAMBIES creates a sense of urgency.

WHAT WOULDST THOU DIEU?

Edit: Escape from Zambies requires an update. Downloading patch...

[thedoghouse]

>go to lolcats.com and run away, leaving the zambies to get distracted

[Toastyking]

>Activate BRIDGE
>Activate ZAMBIE COUNTERMEASURES
>Take a sip of FRUIT PUNCH

[PhrozenFlame]

> Destroy bridge

> Activate Anti-Zambie countermeasures

>Throw now-useless fruit punch on the floor on the other side of the bridge in hopes of making the zambie slip and fall in the large pit under the bridge (I went there, Toasty.)

[Toastyking]

>Throw now-useless fruit punch on the floor on the other side of the bridge in hopes of making the zambie slip and fall in the large pit under the bridge (I went there, Toasty.)

>Ignore recent command
>Ignore the take a sip of FRUIT PUNCH command.

[Ohnoez]

> Activate Anti- Zambie countermeasure
> Look around and FALCO PAWNCH the console

[pleasenopouncing]

>do previous command backwards

[thedoghouse]

>RUN

[Guy Montag]

Escape from Zambies 1.5 Patch Notes

-GRAPHICS added.
-Fixed glitch that caused Hungarian version to be way more awesome than other versions.
-AND improved, more capable of differentiating between dumbfuck posts and non-dumbfuck posts.

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You are in the Death Star, and realized you are surrounded by...

GRAPHICS

and also possibly being pursued by ZAMBIES. Activating the lightbridge and lolcats (which gives you a brief glimpse of a funny picture of a cat falling down some stairs, you don't have time to read the grammar-impaired caption), a beam of blue light lances from something under the walkway to an orifice in the platform ahead, before expanding into a shimmering extension of the walkway. The large doorway ahead opens briefly and what looks like an ARCTIC AVENGER TERRORIST steps through, the door closing behind him. He walks into plain view of you, before aiming carefully with his sniper rifle. You realize this is no ordinary TERRORIST, but an AWPWHORE.

You also discover he isn't aiming for you. Clanking noises behind you prompt you to look over your shoulder, seeing the original ZAMBIE running towards you as well as your former fellow escapee, who seems to be missing most of his face given how much bone you can see. The console begins creating beeping noises, and you glance at it briefly to realize it's counting down from six.

WHAT WOULDST THOU DIEU?

(Purple dot=you, red=ZAMBIES, yellow=NON-HOSTILE NPC)

[Toastyking]

>TAKE AWAY THEIR MEHTAL BAWKSES



>Run the fuck across the LIGHT BRIDGE.
>Try to think up your own caption for the lolcat picture.
>Make 3 letter, blunt accusations about the AWPWHORE's sexual preferences.

[PhrozenFlame]

>Kick console in

>Run like hell across light bridge

>Ask RERRORIST to hold the ZAMBIES off while you escape

>Run like fuck up stairs

[thedoghouse]

>Run across the bridge, put the small metal box on the bridge, then take your friend and leave through the big doorway fast

[Ohnoez]

lol I makker posting!!!!!

its funny how doghouse tampers with my posts... because he is an idiot with power...

[thedoghouse]

lol I makker posting!!!!!

>ignore Ragin, continue with game

[Toastyking]

Montag> FUCKING POOOOOOST

[Ohnoez]

> Ban doghouse

i know hes gonna mess around with my posts

[Guy Montag]

You kick vainly at the CONSOLE, but it is made of metal and therefore kicking just hurts your foot a bit and it was a stupid idea. You're stupid.

After that, you glance to your right at the oncoming ZAMBIES, and sprint frantically across the LIGHT BRIDGE as the console chimes '3.' As you sprint for dear life (but try to keep your FRUIT PUNCH-holding hand steady) you hear the loud crack of the AWPWHORE trying to shoot the ZAMBIES. You barely make it across as the LIGHT BRIDGE sputters and fades, dropping the first ('original') ZAMBIE into the void while his undead compatriot makes a savage leap from the walkway, carrying him halfway across the gap before he too falls into the pit. You take the moment of relative peace to catch your breath. The AWPWHORE doesn't seem to notice you, still intently watching the walkway through the scope of his AWP.Abruptly, you hear distant but un-muffled gunfire. Given the volume and diversity of the cacophony, a lot of guns just started shooting somewhere.

To your WEST is the AWPWHORE. To your SOUTH is the impossibly deep pit in case you've succumbed to the stress of ZAMBIES and are in a suicidal mood. To your EAST is a huge interlocking door with no obvious buttons around it. Possible conversation options (you have time to ask as many or as few as you want) with the AWPWHORE are:

1. "How to open door?"
2. "What's that noise?"
3. "Isn't an AWP a terrible weapon for fighting ZAMBIES?"
4. "Why aren't you trying to escape from the impending ASPLOSION?"

[Toastyking]

>Do all 4 conversation options
>Call AWPWHORE a foul name, cause he uses an AWP
>Look inside MEHTAL BAWKSES
>OPEN DHOR

[thedoghouse]

> Ban doghouse

i know hes gonna mess around with my posts

never ONCE did I mess with your post

>Throw Tiny Box into the pit
>do all 4 conversations
>hide behind big box with AWPWHORE and push it into the big doorway