calculatedChaos Gaming

What's it going to be then, eh?
I'm leaving Calculated Chaos, Team Fortress 2, Steam, and playing video games all together.
An event that occurred last night really was an eye opener. It was nothing to do with any member of the clan, or any persons on the internet. It was something in my personal life.
here's how it all went down.

Well Where do I start...?
My girlfriend and I had been together for about two years now. We had been best friends, im talking best best friends, before we started dating. we did everything together, and in no way had i ever thought of her as being my girlfriend. we literally spent every waking hours together, and sometimes we would nap in the same bed. Two summers ago, I went backpacking in western Europe for 2 weeks, Starting in Paris and ending in Oslo, Norway. I was very sad that she could not go with me and I couldn't stop thinking about her, this was my first time being away from her. Two hour airbus to New York, 14 hour overnight flight to Paris. I didn't sleep a wink and i didn't know why.

The second day i was in Paris i meandered my way to the Eiffel tower. It was larger than I ever thought it would be, if anyone has ever seen the replica Eiffel Tower in King's Island in Ohio, I would say that the replica would fit underneath the first level of the real Eiffel tower. So many people in line, i climbed the steps to the first level, each step was numbered, and number 380 was the halfway point. 2 elevator rides from the second level, i finally reached the top. I stood amazed at the sight before me. I watched a soccer game, people looked as fleas. From that spot i was standing, i remember where it is exactly, i finally realized what i was missing... Her.

I realized how much i actually cared for her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this person.
Tears of joy and sorrow came to my eyes. I came down from the tower and found the nearest payphone. I had to tell her. She needed to know right then how much i really missed her. And to think, i still had 12 more days of backpacking.
It was the longest two weeks of my life.

I had already planned out how i was going to propose to her. After we both get out of college, or sooner, I was going to take her to Paris, to the Eiffel tower. To the same spot above to soccer field, looking down the river. I know what i was going to say to her. "I remember that i was standing on this exact spot when i realized i loved you. I will remember it for the rest of my life, and I want this to be a place you will remember for the rest of yours" as I get down on one knee.

here is to now:
our relationship had started to slide, we both have jobs now and are going to school. we rarely have time to see each other, and she wants to spend time with her girl friends before they go away to college. because (her friends will probably never try to contact her once they are gone, so she will never see them again after this year.) So that means I was not the top priority in her life anymore.
I had been praying constantly that our relationship would become better and stronger.
Last night I got exactly what i had been praying for. My girlfriend broke up with me, and we agreed to go back to being friends and just hanging out and see what happens. It took me until just now to realize what God has been trying to tell me. This has in no way affected the way i feel about her or my decision on wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. And she still feels the same way about me.

So I have come to a pivotal time in my life. How do you eat an elephant? .. One bite at a time.
Leaving you guys is the first bite.

I will stick around for a day or so to reply to your posts, then I'll be gone for good. Thanks for reading this. Thanks for all the fun and fellowship you guys have brought to me out of this game.

I wish you all the best.

Travis.

That's all very sweet and whatnot, but why are you quitting something you enjoy doing? Does she not enjoy or what? I missed that part of the explanation I guess. Good to know you, regardless.

Hey man I'm sure I don't just speak for myself when I say we'll miss ya. Have a good life. Don't be afraid to come back ever though. I'm sure most of us will still be here.

Beetle, it made me realize that there are more important things that i should be doing, rather than playing video games.

You have to set your own priorities. I'm in college right now so playing video games and not taking my relationships too seriously is par for the course. I hope things work out for the best for you.

You know, I have gone threw a few hard times related to my video game habits and have never considered leaving my hobby entirely.

When I get into a new online multi player game, it usually isn't long before I am some kind of leader of some kind of clan/group. Usually that adds one thing that most people never have to deal with when you talk about video games: responsibility. Responsibility means that at certain times I have to be available (or find someone else who is available) to do certain things. Also, my actions become more important since other people now depend on me to do things and decide on (relatively) important issues.

This takes video games from something that I can do on my free time and blow off steam into something that I am required to spend time doing. It also leads to situations where someone could need to get ahold of me at any time to do something important (restart the server, change from a broken map, etc.) Because of this, there are times in my week that video games one of the highest priority things in my life. When this happens with a real time MMORPG in a clan of 60+ people and 12 hours of my day is spent being diplomat, posting on forums and organizing raids it has caused major problems in my personal life, especially with my live-in fiance.

For most people this will never become a problem. You may like to play video games and may play them pretty often but the only thing really stopping you from doing something else, spending time with your girlfriend for example, is you. If you cut your time playing video games in half, your in-game friends might miss you but there won't be many real ramifications on your in-game persona. This has the adverse effect of allowing you to enrich your real life. If I cut the time I spend on TF2 in half, the maps on the server wouldn't get updated or I wouldn't hear about server issues and the community would suffer.

I really don't see a time in my personal life where I would quit video games entirely. I have stepped down from an admin position before and I have stopped checking up on clan forums before. I have even quit playing particular games all together. I just don't see why anyone would feel like quitting something, for a woman, that is enjoiable and isn't harming anyone would be a good idea. Quitting drugs or your bad porno habit maybe, but not video games.

I can see why you would want to spend more time with your lady friend and I am not saying that is a bad idea, but if you think changing everything in your life will help your relationship, that only shows how inexperienced with love you are. No matter what she tells you, she has a personal reason for breaking up with you and the fact that she did should tell you that, if nothing else, she has some doubts about spending the rest of her life with you as her significant other.

All this said, I hope everything works out the way you want. What I have found is that life doesn't usually go the way you plan it.

Like Beetle said you gotta do what you enjoy. You might be at that point in life where you are feeling pressure to 'grow up' and alot of society looks at video games as a kids thing. But why can't adults enjy games as well? My dad never played a game in his life until for some reason he bought a nintendo and Link. He has since bought each version of a nintendo console to play the new version of link, but that's the only game he'll play LOL. He's 60+

I think you seem to need to learn about moderation a bit. From several things you said you seem to be a bit of an extremeist. (Don't take this wrong, t's not an insult just what I read from one post).
We spent every waking hour together...
I want to spend the rest of my life with one person...
I will never play games again...

I'm not saying any of those choices are bad, they are your personal choices to make.

My philosopy is to try and be well rounded (although I am probably fail at that). Play games if you like to, but play for a small amount of time. Go hiking on the weekends. take a break from your best friend/girlfriend. hang out with other people. read. whatever. Enjoy life to its fullest and experience everything it has to offer.

Flow like water, stand like rock.

i do need to work on my time management skills, that is actually a goal i have set for my self. im not quitting because of her, it just really opened my eyes to alot of other things i enjoy doing more than playing video games. i have been playing tf2 so much because, yes this makes me sound like a looser but, you guys have really been my only friends. i need to make more. and when all i can think about is a game, that means i play too much, for myself. a few days ago in the theater building at school( where i go to use the public restroom, since noone ever goes in there), one of the doors on the bottom floor has a ledge over it and i immediately thought about how a sentry would work out up there (makes me sound like a looser).
when i find that all i really have to talk about is a game.. it really bothers me. i dont think ive ever told you guys but i enjoy playing classical guitar and classical piano, i cant get enough of either. going back to my time management skills and my ability to prioritize things, i dont play anymore.

i think once i make some friends, i wont have to use tf2 and calculated chaos as a crutch anymore for my social needs, and i could possibly come back and join you guys in game every now and again. as for now im re-evaluating my lifestyle and the direction im taking my life.
and ive thrown a few words around such as looser. in no way do i think of myself as a looser.

Im very intuitive. I wouldn't ever say psychic. My gut feelings have never been wrong so far in my life.
From those gut feelings, i knew she was going to break up with me, and i already know that ill never have her back.
but it wont hurt to try to prove myself wrong. For once i want to be wrong.

on another note. i do take your criticism seriously. nothing about my life is perfect. its always good to hear from another's point of view.

I'm going to miss you, man. I can understand how you feel, but like Original said, take everything in moderation. I have been in plenty of break-ups to know that when it happens, you don't think straight or clear at all. I have pushed away quite a few people because of those situations and I regret it every day. To be honest, this group feels like a family to me, we each seem to know how to make one another laugh, while also able to be at each other's throats. It is tough to see a family member leave, I know because it was hard when I moved out of my parent's house and started living on my own. I had a friend who had to move back because she couldn't stand living by herself. We are all going to miss you, but you should know that not everything is final. We will be here to help you out and work you through whatever gets you down.
I know it may seem strange, but I believe that the Tao is a great teacher of keeping yourself from over reacting to situations. Take everything you do and moderate it, do not allow the emotional tide carry you out to sea where you will just drown or get lost. Meet the current head on and stand your ground, let yourself be immersed in it, but never faulter because when you do, that is when you drift away.
Take some time and think about the decisions you make, and the friends that you have becasue those are what truly define you. Don't give up, just give and take.
I may sound like I am preaching but really I just see some of the mistakes I have made and just hope that you don't make the same ones as well, or if you do, I hope you fare better than I.
Was great knowing and playing with you.

aww...well....cyya soon hopefully

You cant go. I JUST MET YOU! I honestly can relate to how you're feeling. I too have no friends... and play video games obsessively. But you shouldn't quit it all together. Play it whenever you have absolutely nothing to do, and don't dissapear from us all cause I'm sure we would all like to continue to be a part of your life. Im sorry to hear that she broke up with you. Im in a 3 year relationship with someone and sadly sometimes I'd rather play games then be with him o.o It is an addiction I believe but eh. Just have to play in moderation.

But yeah - Quit video games if you wish but stay in contact here at least.

I know you said you didn't quit because of "her", but I have before.
I quit WoW because my ex didn't feel like I was spending enough time with her. She constantly wanted attention, which frankly, I can't give one person my attention all the time. I'm not socially backward - I use TF2 to be myself without repercussions. I can also test out what people's reactions would be with people who I trust more since I know 100% of all the friends I have made here are purely based on their personalities.

So Hurtme, I doubt you were really using us as a crutch. I happen to think conversing online helps immensely with social skills, as weird as that opinion might seem. I know its helped me

Everybody needs a hobby if you enjoy playing than keep playing, maybe just cut it down some. I hope you don't leave your a good shit like playing with you (in a non gay way) you make me laugh! Your to young to get married anyway, go to college get a degree and get a good job then think about marriage. What's the hurry? If this doesn't work out trust me you will find another one day. Your young enjoy it! You have your whole life to be married. College is not the time to be married. Don't make me slap you, I wish I was your age again. You got the world by the balls and don't even know it! You can do or be anything you want enjoy and live your life, enjoy your youth it doesn't last long! That's what I would do. Good luck whatever you do though buddy I will miss you.

P.S. Don't be a homo!

I epiphany is the kind of thing I'd expect in a movie. All I can say is, I'll miss you and good luck. Hopefully this story will have a movie ending.

I don't have any insightful criticism to say, since i have no experience on the subject. >.>

I don't know much about relationships, but i do know that we will miss you.

Hope you have a good one,

Awesomesauce

We all have experiences where we question and reform our lives and I am not gonna try and influence you. Just try and do what you think right, do a bit of soul searching and you'll find the answer. But what do I know. I am just a 400 pound gorilla in the room. No matter what happens, good luck to ya.

=(

Something I find having to remind myself of often is that: It's MY life. Or in your case, yours. Point is, if enjoying videogames is something you do ...make sure you only stop because it's what's best for YOU, not because it's what someone else wants. It sounds like that's the case here. Good luck.

DUKE wrote:Everybody needs a hobby if you enjoy playing than keep playing, maybe just cut it down some. I hope you don't leave your a good shit like playing with you (in a non gay way) you make me laugh! Your to young to get married anyway, go to college get a degree and get a good job then think about marriage. What's the hurry? If this doesn't work out trust me you will find another one day. Your young enjoy it! You have your whole life to be married. College is not the time to be married. Don't make me slap you, I wish I was your age again. You got the world by the balls and don't even know it! You can do or be anything you want enjoy and live your life, enjoy your youth it doesn't last long! That's what I would do. Good luck whatever you do though buddy I will miss you.

P.S. Don't be a homo!

where i bolded your post i could have swore you were going to say " You can do or be do'd" lol


anyways thanks for all the support and advice guys. So i guess i wont be quitting for good. More or less it will be an "extended" break. I don't think i could ever leave you all. lol. Right now i just need to sort out a few things in my life. hopefully I will be on sooner than later.

Thanks again,
Travis.

woot, we succeeded in making you stay. sorta

well everybody will miss u cya soon hopefully.

HURTME!!!!!!! i love u =( why would u leave me?... ura good player and most of all a wonderful friend.. i will miss u with all my heart and u will always be welcome to come back =(.... though i wish u would reconsider... i wish u and your wonders girl a happy long life =).



lata man, Joe

Dude, i'm gonna miss you. Hopefull you won't be gone forever

aawww man well we're all gonna miss you
on a side note YES ONE LESS PERSON TO KILL ME

Gypsy Joe wrote:HURTME!!!!!!! i love u =( why would u leave me?... ura good player and most of all a wonderful friend.. i will miss u with all my heart and u will always be welcome to come back =(.... though i wish u would reconsider... i wish u and your wonders girl a happy long life =).

lata man, Joe

Have you thought about going gay? Gypsy seems into it.

captainangry wrote:

Gypsy Joe wrote:HURTME!!!!!!! i love u =( why would u leave me?... ura good player and most of all a wonderful friend.. i will miss u with all my heart and u will always be welcome to come back =(.... though i wish u would reconsider... i wish u and your wonders girl a happy long life =).

lata man, Joe

Have you thought about going gay? Gypsy seems into it.

lol

i hope you come back to tf2 soon