Riftoff Writes Your Dumb Stories

[Riftoff]

Have you ever thought of something incredibly stupid? Of course you have, you're reading this post. Now have you ever wanted to translate those stupid thoughts into dumb stories but you lack the initiative or basic language skills? You've come to the right place! In this thread, I write dumb stories based on input from the thread. I dunno if the format will be a bunch of one-offs or a single consistent story. We'll just roll with it and see how long I can keep doing this.

To start, give me some vague ideas of a main character and setting.

Don't ask me to include yourself into a story, or I will disregard all future suggestions from you.

[Kriegsmarine]

I need a story about a really ugly person who murders everyone in the tri state area

[MrKerplunkers]

An early 60s cosmonaut get stranded on the dark side of the moon and punches a bunch of lovecraftian aliens in the fucking face.

[EveOfTheApocalypse]

a football playing king is taken from the throne by his traitorous basketball playing brother and fights to get it back.

[BAMF]

Dolph Lundgreen stars in a gritty sequel to the classic film To Kill A Mockingbird. Jem returns to Maycomb in the year 1962, to find his father, Atticus Finch (Fred Savage), has been kidnapped by a demon- an extremely familiar demon. While Jem investigates his father's disappearance, he digs deeper into the history of his town, his family, and the truth about the death of Tim Johnson. Jem has another problem to deal with on top of that- the return of his sister, Scout Finch (Jessica Alba), who has become a hypersexual hitman for hire.

Jason Bateman co-stars.

[MrKerplunkers]

Chiming in to say that TF2 completely ruined to kill a mocking bird for me because I always read Scout's dialogue with a thick Boston accent.

Fuck you Gabe.

[krubby]

A vacationing vampire becomes sheriff of a small Utah town. But there's a catch. Everyone there is a duck!

[Riftoff]

OK I'm going to try and work as much as I can from the above posts into the first story.

[krubby]

thanks man, this will be awesome

[Celtic]

I would like a story revolving around a young man (preferably in his late teens or early 20s).

Ideas for the book:
Vomit Spit
Cough medicine soup
Thinking dirty out loud
Sesame Street
Reese's Pieces
Orange time machines with the ability to care


I expect it in my inbox tonight.

[Denzo]

And then we totally never saw this again.

[krubby]

I wanted to bump this but remained quiet so as that I would not be punished for my insolence.

[Riftoff]

Yeah I wrote about 500 words and realized that I didn't give a shit at all.

[MrKerplunkers]

Yeah I wrote about 500 words and realized that I didn't give a shit at all.

cC Christmas Special V2

[TheBlindKhezu]

Four legends from the land of canaan, fighting dragons on Jet bikes being assaulted by witches with M60 Machine guns going Mukyu, while the skies are on fire with the drums of war while people with kitana blades and Chainsaw fight the Sandking and his scorpion army. But the legendary German panda comes to intervene telling them that their fate is in the Old gods of Canaan such as Dagon,Ba'al,Molech,Anat and the great Shamayim! But one of the witches said "Fuck you, therefore i am who i am. A FUTANARI WITCH!" As she pulled a Pentagram shapped object out of her back and unleased hell among the Persian armies who rode in on Armored Persian Bears and Giant Rubied scorpions!

[thedoghouse]

Four legends from the land of canaan, fighting dragons on Jet bikes being assaulted by witches with M60 Machine guns going Mukyu, while the skies are on fire with the drums of war while people with kitana blades and Chainsaw fight the Sandking and his scorpion army. But the legendary German panda comes to intervene telling them that their fate is in the Old gods of Canaan such as Dagon,Ba'al,Molech,Anat and the great Shamayim! But one of the witches said "Fuck you, therefore i am who i am. A FUTANARI WITCH!" As she pulled a Pentagram shapped object out of her back and unleased hell among the Persian armies who rode in on Armored Persian Bears and Giant Rubied scorpions!

Crocket, the more you say the more terrified I am you're serious

[TheBlindKhezu]

People are terrified of me, thats Audacious!

[Denzo]

People are terrified of me, thats Audacious!

au·da·cious

adjective
1.extremely bold or daring; recklessly brave; fearless

The fuck.