Storytime

[Danny Tanner]

Blurb: A Story of Love, Loss, and the Royal Canadian Mountie Police

Prologue

Hello. My name is *NOPE*. If you are reading this, than you have picked it up for one or more of three reasons.

1. You have been forced to.
2. This is your homework. (If it is, put this down, and claim that the book burst into flames. I dare you.)
3. You are legitimately interested in this story.


If the answer is 3, welcome. I am sure you have read many a book in your lifetime. But, I assure you, you have never read a book such as this. Now, get ready. You are about to be immersed in a world where up is up, down is down, and The Teletubbies is a reality show. Good luck.

Chapter the First

It was a wonderful day in the city of Colon. The paper sun was shining, with only a few ink clouds overhead. We join our hero in the middle of writing an angry letter.

"Dear Harper Collins, Colon Branch,

I have been very disappointed with your attitude in recent times. Not only have you responded negatively to my critiques and requests to have me join your organization as a blurb, I have recently received a restraining order, DIRECT from your CEO I might add, that reports harassment through mail. I have not partaken in HARASSMENT of any kind. I recommend that you cease and desist with the order, or I will be forced to take my business elsewhere.

Yours truly, Domenic William J. Blurb the III"

He placed a stamp on it. As he walked outside to put the letter in a mailbox, Blurb looked at the sky. He slowly but surely realized; it was a beautiful day. He decided that on that day, he would visit his parents.

While Blurb was still looking for his calling, his parents were already accomplished Blurbs. His mother was on all the Harry Potter books, and his father on the books for the DaVinci Code series. You may be wondering, "How can the inhabitants of this dimension know about OUR literature?" Well, it's because books, are the gateway between our worlds.

The mayor of Colon, Semi-Colon, was on the floating TV in the sky, making an announcement.

"And here is the banned book of the month...'Where's Waldo' has made it! Would the author of the book please come in to our offices? You must now be arrested. We have found Waldo, and are holding him hostage." he continued, "And to one 'Domenic William J. Blurb the III,' the RCMP called. They would like their Robo-Whales back."

"NEVER!!!" Blurb yelled out at the people around him, who were actually just a bunch of weird paper squirrels and birds. After the broadcast ended, Colon's top rated reality show, The Teletubbies, came on the screen. Blurb could hear the cheers coming from town. (What is wrong with this dimension?)

Chapter Deux

As Blurb walked through town, he started to look at the finer things in life. The paper birds, the ink flowers, and the OH MY GOD A NARRATOR IS FOLLOWING ME.

"Who are y-you?" Blurb asked fearfully.

"Well, I'm your Narrator!" I responded. "I will be following you everywhere, all day everyday. It's just a natural part of a Blurb's life."

"S-so, you'll be following me eve-"

"EVERYWHERE."

"...K'?" Blurb responded, looking deathly pale. He entered the GIANT HUMONGOUS Bookstore, and got on the elevator. He pressed the European Fiction button as others got into the elevator. One of these people was Comma, Blurb's best friend. In reality, he had always liked Comma. Did she like him? Look man, you're telling me to get into the mind of a book saleswoman who is a Comma. I don't want to go there.

"Hey Comma!" Blurb said, enthusiastically. "How are you?"

"Very good. Are you here to see your parents?" Comma responded.

"Yeah, I am. Is there anything you want me to help with in the store after I'm done?" he asked.

"No, but I have to warn you. There have been reports of shady types hanging around, and floating books all over the place. I'm not sure what's going on, but it's not good." Comma whispered. The elevator opened. "Have a nice day!" Comma said as Blurb stepped off.

Right away, he saw his parents' small book house. These two were original copies of the first book in their respective series. Clones of them has been distributed around the world for each book.

Chapter You-Should-Be-Able-To-Count-This-High

Blurb waddled through the crowded aisle, finally arriving at the oil-soaked wood house his parents lived in. There were rows and rows of these houses, almost like a little neighborhood. He could hear customers running around, yelling, and buying books. He knocked on the small door of his parents' house.

"Hello?" he called. "Is anyone in there?"

"We don't want to buy anything, STOP CALLING US!" His Father answered in his horribly gruff voice.

"No, honey, can't you tell it's Blurb!" Blurb's Mother responded.

His parents answered the door, and came outside. Due to the size of the house, Blurb could not enter it. For a while, they talked. The things that were discussed were simultaneously too boring and too slow to chronicle in this masterpiece of a story. What they didn't know, was that far off, in another aisle, troopers were mobilizing for an attack.

As I said, troopers were mobilizing. But these were not any regular Colon brand troops. No, these were troops from the RCMP, A.K.A., the Royal Canadian Mountie Police. They have had a grudge against Blurb for a long time. You see, it all started when the President of our World told Canada that they were being assigned to a project in which they had 5 years to contact another dimension. In about 3, they had built a working multi-dimensional portal, and had sent scouts to Colon.

During this scouting, Blurb had been taking his monthly woodland retreat. He found the open portal, and stepped through. In a set of feats that, if written here, would make your mind implode, he was able to steal a set of the prototype Robo-Whales. They had untold power, and Blurb could not figure out how to turn them on.

Getting back to the present, Blurb had just finished talking with his parents, when screaming started up from all sides. Flying books of all kinds were terrorizing the customers! Soon enough, Blurb heard a familiar shriek. It was Comma! He rushed to the window, and saw her being carried away by flying squirrels, going towards the forest, where the trans-dimensional portal was.

People were already being evacuated by the time Blurb got out. He would run off to his house to grab supplies, then would head to the portal and save Comma.

Chapter 3.5

During the mass panic, a small fire had broken out. Once everyone had left, the fire had grown, and spread to the first row of houses. Within minutes, the entire floor had been burned out.

Who makes a floor in department store that's filled with oil-soaked wood houses?

Chapter 4
Blurb rushed home. He barged, in, paying no attention to anything in particular, and packed a bag. He was bringing a flashlight, a book, a toaster, and a pile of roadkill he had been saving for a day like this. After, he had packed, he went to his garage. He unloaded the two Robo-Whales, and put them into his pick-up truck. He drove off to the Portal.

He drove through the portal, and suddenly, everything changed. All of his supplies except the Whales disintegrated. That included the truck. He landed in a forest, much like the one in Colon; except this one wasn't 2d. In fact, this was more like...3d! it was also, very cold, and loud. He could hear yelling from far away. Not knowing if it was safe or not, he followed the voices.

Soon enough, he found the voices. He had been led to a small facility, that housed Police, Scientists, and Lumberjacks. He tried to creep in to the facility quietly. It didn't work at all, whatsoever. They noticed a walking piece of text quickly.

The charged towards him, guns, syringes, axes and all. Out of nowhere, he heard a rumbling. Everyone looked back at where he had come from. Somehow, the Robo-Whales had gotten turned on! They rose from the ground and started flying towards Blurb and his attackers. Turrets from the guard towers started shooting at the Whales. The bullets didn't even dent them! Eventually, the Whales reached Blurb and the others.

Someone picked up a rock and threw it at a whale. It somehow hit the 2 ft. wide button on the bottom that was labeled "SELF-DESTRUCT." The whale started flashing red, and spiraled towards the ground. Everyone started running, but it was no use. The Robo-Whale exploded, and hit the other one, which in turn blow up also, destroying the RCMP building.

The explosion destroyed the portal also, and some of the bang got through, destroying half of Colon Forest. Everyone was very confused in both dimensions, but life still went on. No one in Colon really cared, and went on watching The Teletubbies. The President of our World reassigned the dimensional project to Australia.

Chapter The End


The End.

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