calculatedChaos Gaming

Why did the skeleton come to the party alone?

because he had no body to go with!

So this midget walks into a bar. He says "ouch."

-what happens when you sit on a grape?

it lets out a little wine.

-What did the potato say when it was wrapped up for the third night in a row?

"Curses! Foiled again!"

-What do you gaet when you cross a sheep with a porcupine?

an animal that knits its own sweaters

-what do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a 747?

an animal that shows movies in its pouch

-whats a ghosts favorite food?

Boo-berries

....thats all for now.

What do you get when a Unicorn is runover by a Mac truck?
"Creamed" corn.

What do you call the best student at Unicorn school?
The "A"corn.

What do Unicorns call their father?
"Pop" corn.

What do Unicorns use for money?
Corn "Bread."

What did the baby corn say to the mom corn? Where is my pop corn?!

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

When is corn like a little quiz?
When it's popped.

What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.

What did the farmer say when he picked up the corn?
"Aw, shucks!"


Look ma, I made a pun!

What did the acorn say when it fell out of the tree

Gee-I'm-a-tree (Geometry)

A momma tomato, poppa tomato, and a baby tomato are walking in the woods. The baby tomato starts lagging behind the momma and poppa tomato. So the poppa tomato goes back and squishes him, and says "Ketchup".

(A shiny penny goes to the first person to identify the movie reference)

I like my women like I like my wine

twelve years old and in my basement

Two drums and a symbol walk off a cliff. Ba-dum tss.

There are two muffins in an oven. One says, "Man, it is hot in here." The other says, "Holy crap a talking muffin!"

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who know binary, and those who don't.

A kid, dressed like a pirate for Halloween, knocks on this lady's door. "Oh aren't you a cute little pirate but where are your buccaneers?" "Under my buccan hat."

What do politicians and sperm have in common? About one in every 500 or 600 million has a chance at becoming a human.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey. Well then why did the third monkey? Peer pressure.

I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming, like his passengers.

Where does the king keep is armies? In his sleevies.

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Two peanuts are walking down the street. One was assaulted.

What happened to the magical tractor? It turned into a field.

Yea I got a lot more.

Why are fish so smart?
Because they swim in schools.